A Million Dead-End Streets

Eighth Session / Tattoo Finished

2012-01-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

Well, this is it. My Phoenix tattoo is now complete. It was a great experience and I am very happy with the results.

Seventh Phoenix Tattoo Session

2011-12-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

We are on the home stretch. Only one more session after this one to finish it all up. This session involved doing the talon and lotus flower on the inside of my arm along with various smoke work around my arm.

Sixth Phoenix Tattoo Session

2011-10-28T21:00:00.001-06:00

Okay, we are almost done. I have two more sessions scheduled and I should be good to go. In this latest session, we connected the chest piece and the shoulder piece with smoke and flowers. Warning, there is man boob in these pics. ;)

Fifth Phoenix Tattoo Session

2011-10-08T15:24:00.001-06:00

My tattoo is really starting to come together. I get blown away every time seeing the work of Vic Back at Painted Temple Tattoo in Sugar House, Utah.

I am not welcome there. I do not fit the mold.

2011-09-29T21:38:00.000-06:00

There was a recent article in the Deseret News that reallyinfuriated me. I have talked before about why I call myself That Guy with theHair. I usually wear my hair buzzed on the sides and spiky on top. That hasbeen my look for most of my adult life.

Here is an example of what I am talking about with my hair.

Well, this coming weekend is General Conference for TheChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, aka. The Mormons. In the DeseretNews (the Mormon Church's newspaper) was this article about Utah County menpreparing to sing at the conference.

Utah County men prepare to sing at LDS conference

This is the most infuriating part for me.

Many of them have also lost headand all facial hair, and will be required to lose jewelry and boldly colored orpatterned ties as well in exchange for something darker and more subtle.

No music, no backpacks, nophones, iPods or carry-ons, no color in your socks, fresh haircuts and nocologne or spiky hair.

“And we’re glad to do it,” saysJoel Baldwin of the Pleasant Grove Utah Timpanogos Stake. “Following a dressand grooming standard set for this choir means that the congregation can focuson the intent of the songs we sing without distraction.”

No spiky hair. That is me. The article goes on to describemen with beards that are not welcome along with anyone with a bad tie or sockswith color in them. Everyone needs to look the same with boring haircuts, darkconservative suits, white shirts, and boring, drab ties.

Can there be a more blatant display of the types of peoplethat are not welcome in this church? I have spiky hair; therefore, I am not welcomein this church. I wear earrings sometimes, another strike against me. I havehorrible, filthy tattoos; you might as well send me straight to hell right now.

The freedom of expression is not welcome in the Mormon Church.I love people that express themselves. The punk with the purple mohawk. The girlwith the short skirt and torn tights. The guy with too many tattoos and piercings.The businesswoman in her dress suit. There are many more examples, but you getthe idea. We were not meant to all look like cookie cutter copies of Mormonmissionaries.

Why will I never return to this church? The type of personthat I am along with others that are like me are not welcome there. I do notfit the boring mold of a man that they require. In fact, Jesus Christ himselfwould not be welcome in this choir to sing to his own "prophet." His appearancedoes not fit the standards of this church.

Fourth Phoenix Tattoo Session

2011-09-25T12:37:00.000-06:00

Here are the results of my fourth Phoenix tattoo session.

Third Phoenix Tattoo Session

2011-09-21T20:47:00.000-06:00

Here are the results of my third tattoo session. My Phoenix continues to rise from the ashes.

The Phoenix head from my second tattoo session healed up really well.

More pictures to come soon from the fourth session.

666, my favorite number.

2011-08-29T21:03:00.000-06:00

This made me chuckle today. I checked my blog stats and the number of page views on my blog for last month is 666. My new favorite number. Satan, are you there?

Second Phoenix Tattoo Session

2011-08-24T20:19:00.000-06:00

Here is the next part of my tattoo. It hurt like a bitch, but it looks awesome.

My dad's request

2011-08-18T21:32:00.000-06:00

I called my dad the other day to see how he is doing. His health has been failing of late. His lungs are giving out on him and his oxygen levels have really started to drop to dangerous levels. I wanted to call and give him my support letting him know that I was thinking about him.

My relationship with my parents has been strained ever since I left the LDS church. I asked if he could do one thing for me. We would like to come down and visit with them in April for spring break so I asked if he could try to keep living until then. He has almost given up on life and he is beginning to think that he may not last much longer. My request was simple, just live.

My dad decided to take this opportunity to ask something of me also. He asked me to stop drinking coffee, drinking booze, getting tattoos, and come back to the church. As if these are the worst things that I could do. "Do you think you can do that for me?" he asked. I said, "I'll keep it under consideration." Wouldn't his request be better if he asked me to pray and try to gain a testimony? Kind of hard to want to stop doing those other "disdainful" activities if I do not have a testimony of Joseph Smith and the restored gospel. He then went on to bear his testimony to me for the millionth time along with how he has and always will love me.

I ask him to live and he asks me to change everything about me because it is not what he wants me to do. The integrity that he raised me with prevents me from doing what he wants. It is plain and simple. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not true. The LDS church is not a true church; it is a false church just like all the rest. The Christian god does not exist. There may be a "god" or "creator," but not like what the religions of this world describe. I cannot force myself to go back to church and pretend to believe in the bullshit again. I am a better man than that. Therefore, to answer my dad if I could again, "No, I will not be doing that, I have too much integrity. Can you just try to live for me? I am not asking much."

My Phoenix tattoo rises from the ashes

2011-08-15T20:22:00.000-06:00

I have begun my Phoenix tattoo. I will be doing 6 sessions to shade in all the color.

Please allow me to introduce myself.

2011-04-19T22:59:00.000-06:00

Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the Devil by oggys

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the Blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
(woo woo, woo woo)

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
(woo woo, woo woo)

I shouted out,
"Who killed the Kennedy's?"
When after all
It was you and me
(who who, who who)

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached Bombay
(woo woo, who who)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
(who who)
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
(who who, who who)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
(woo woo, who who)

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint
(who who, who who)

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, have some taste
(woo woo)
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, mmm yeah
(woo woo, woo woo)

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, mmm yeah
(who who)
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, mmm mean it, get down
(woo woo, woo woo)

Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
(woo woo)

Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, you're to blame

Oh, who
woo, woo
Woo, who
Woo, woo
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah

What's my name
Tell me, baby, what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name

Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah
Woo woo
Woo woo

Yep, that is me in that pic. I've been busy, but I'll try to do more blogging. Just call me Lucifer. . . uh, better make that Bowie. ;)

2011, new year, new job.

2011-02-12T22:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it has certainly been a while since I last posted to my blog. I did not die from the New Year's Eve festivities; I have just been busy with other items in my life and have not spent much time in the blog world. I will try to get a few posts out that review some of the things that I have been up to.

This year has started out well for me. I have started in a new position at my work and the story behind that is interesting. I have worked at my company for over 3.5 years. During that time, I have travelled regularly doing customer installations of the software product that we provide. In my previous job, I did a similar position of travel and install. Altogether, I have been travelling regularly for 7 years and it has started to wear me down. There have been too many times that I have missed events involving my children because I was out of town.

Back towards the middle of December 2010, a Quality Assurance Analyst position was posted at my work. I was interested because this meant that I would no longer travel. I applied and hoped for the best. Sure enough, I was scheduled for an interview. I felt like the interview went well and was looking forward to a possible promotion. A couple of days later, the manager that I interviewed with (we'll call him Jim) sent me a company instant message asking if I had received a transfer date from my current manager. I told him that I had not and that my current manager was currently out of town. He told me that he would contact him the next week and make arrangements for me to start in the new department. I was ecstatic! Finally, after the years of travel, I would be able to have a normal office job. I was feeling good about this looking forward to the next week for what I thought would be a good week.

I started the week before Christmas and met with my current manager (we'll call him Bob) letting him know that Jim was wanting to meet with him about me transferring to his department. On Tuesday, I checked with Bob and he still had not heard from Jim. I thought this was a little strange, but I was willing to be patient and see what would develop. I am friends with the HR assistant and decided to chat with her to see if she had heard anything. She mentioned that Jim had also interviewed a woman in the customer support department (we'll call her Mary). She told me that Jim had offered the job to Mary. This really concerned me because Jim had told me the week before that he intended to have me transfer to his department. Why would he tell both Mary and me that we had the job?

On Wednesday, I sent a message to Jim asking if he had got in touch with Bob about my transfer date. He replied that he was still interviewing. What the fuck?! Just the week before, he had told me that he wanted me to start in his department, and then he tells Mary that she had the job, and now he gives me the excuse of still interviewing? There may have been some convincing from some of the people in Jim's department to hire Mary. They liked her and were hoping that she could come work with them. This was the week before Christmas, and I knew that nothing was going to get resolved for at least a week or so because of the holidays.

The Sunday after Christmas, I took Blondie and kids on a road trip to my parents' new home. We had a pleasant visit for what it was worth. The great thing was that church and religion was never really brought up, but there is only so much Fox News that I can handle before going insane. During this time, the whole job fiasco was bothering me. I sent an email to the HR Office Manager explaining that I was concerned about the status of the job. He replied letting me know that he would get is resolved.

I started work the week after New Years with the idea that Mary was going to get the position. I had the opportunity to speak to a few friends around work and they had all heard that Mary was planning on moving. I was convinced that I had lost the position for sure. I checked with my current manager Bob again to see if he had heard from Jim. He told me that Jim had been sick and ended up in the hospital; that was definitely concerning. By Wednesday January 5th, Bob gave me some interesting news on the status of the position. He said that since Jim was still sick, the company had decided to have his superior make the decision on the job. This was great news! This woman was not at our local office, she was the head of quality assurance testing for the nationwide company. I ended up doing an interview with her over the phone, I am sure that Mary did too. I felt even better about this interview because she did not know me or Mary, all she had to go on was our experience and qualifications.

By Friday January 7th, I received an official job offer from Jim. I met with him and he was feeling better out of the hospital. He apologized for the miscommunications and gave me a nice job offer. Now, I was very happy and relieved; I pulled this job out of the fire! Unfortunately, Mary took the news pretty hard, which I can understand. She made the mistake of posting about it on Facebook, which someone should never do. I am not friends with her, but other coworkers are. They showed me what she posted and what her mother said. Let's just say that it was very unprofessional and embarrassing; she had the good sense to delete it off of Facebook. Mary also ended up taking a couple of personal days to recuperate from the experience.

Another interesting side effect from all this is what happened to Jim. I started my first week in the new department and we went out for a team lunch. After we got back, no one saw Jim for a while, and then we received word that he had been let go and escorted out of the building. I guess he had made a number of mistakes as manager that the company had counseled him about. After a while, it looks like he made too many and the company decided he needed to go. I feel bad for him and hope that he can find something new.

So, here I am, working as a Quality Assurance Analyst with a small department of good people. I go to work, listen to music or podcasts, and work with software developers. I no longer have to travel or be a company face for our customers. 2011 is looking to be a good year.

The Worst Hangover Ever!

2011-01-03T21:08:00.001-07:00

Well, New Year's Eve 2010 will go down as very memorable for Blondie and me. We went to a friend's house where he and his wife were hosting a party for many of their friends. The evening started out great; we met many new friends and enjoyed visiting with them. I even played Deadmau5 for the night; I appreciated that our hosts let me play some great dance music for their party.

As with any great party, there was alcohol available so Blondie and I decided to partake for the evening. We brought gin and cranberry juice, which makes for a very tasty drink. Throughout the evening, we made a few of those drinks for ourselves and were feeling pretty good. We ended up sitting at a table with our good friend Urban Koda and his wife along with some other partygoers. As you might expect, drinks and shots started floating around the table. We were trying shots of various alcohols and enjoying the tastes. We even had a shot of authentic tequila from Mexico that had a worm in the bottle.

The last shot that put us out was a straight vodka shot. After this, I hit rock-star status; I could no longer sit upright. I ended up lying down on the dining room floor and I was done! Blondie was able to stay upright and had people asking her if I was okay. Before midnight, I was barely coherent and fortunate enough to have a garbage can nearby because along with being unable to sit up, I puked multiple times into the can. Midnight came, and I remember hearing people saying "Happy New Year" along with party horns, but that is about it.

After a while, Blondie was able to get me to walk up the stairs to a bedroom and I crashed on the mattress. I was able to sleep for a little while, but by morning, the nausea started coming on strong. I had easy access to a bathroom, which enabled me to keep my friend's room clean. After multiple trips to the bathroom for both Blondie and I, we finally felt good enough to say goodbye to our friends and drive home at about 11 am Saturday morning. Even on the drive home, Blondie and I both puked, oh the memories, lol! We came home, immediately went to bed, and slept for the rest of the day before we started to feel better in the evening.

Today, I had the opportunity to tell my friend at work about our experience and he was proud of us. He said that we had certainly hit rock-star status with a party like that. I thought that was pretty funny. I will tell ya though; going through an experience like that makes us not want to drink again for a very long time. Just remembering the drinks and shots while on our way home was nausea inducing.

The funny thing is that we are not the first ones to experience too much drinking and a hangover. I guess we are just the novices. While driving home, we listened to our favorite radio station X96 and they played the perfect song for us. The Offspring with The Worst Hangover Ever.

I think I'll let the rock-stars live the rock-star lifestyle. It was fun to try out, but not something I want do again. Live and learn, right?

Polygamy Part 2

2010-12-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

The conversation about polygamy continues.

Polygamy Part 1

2010-12-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

I am having fun making these videos. This one addresses polygamy. Let me know if you think the video is too long or difficult to follow.

The video says it all.

2010-12-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

I decided to get a little creative with my post today. I created a video online that is fun to watch. Hope you enjoy it.

Parents go ahead and lie to your children, it's okay.

2010-11-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

There have been a couple of commercials on TV lately that have really been bugging me, it involves parents knowingly lying to their children, and thinking it is okay. The first commercial is for Tide detergent. A daughter comes to her mom and asks if she had seen her green shirt. The commercial then cuts to the mom's memory as she remembers having borrowed her daughter's shirt for a night out with her friends. During the night out, she spilled something on the shirt and now she does not want her daughter to know that she borrowed her shirt without asking. The mom responds to her daughter that the shirt in question is not her style, insinuating that she would not wear that shirt. There is the first lie! Next, the mom finds the shirt and washes it with Tide. Later, the daughter finds the shirt and the mom asks about it. The daughter indicates that it must have been hiding in her closet. The mom does not say anything and lets her daughter walk out the door with this impression. There is the second lie!

The other offending commercial is from McDonalds. A young couple is driving to McDonalds and their daughter asks where breakfast comes from. The mom instead of giving a legitimate answer spins a tale about giants and wizards in the land of breakfast that magically make this food. Once again, another direct lie! When the mom is done with this fantasy story, the daughter then asks, "Where do I come from?" The commercial ends showing the mom with a worried look of what to say next.

What a bunch of bullshit! These commercials are portraying parents lying to their children and thinking that it is okay. It really just leaves a bad taste in my mouth watching these commercials that advocate parents purposely lying to their children. Every time I see the McDonalds commercial at the end, I always think, "What fantasy story are you going to come up with now that explains where children come from?" Instead of making up a bullshit story, the mom could have answered the question about breakfast truthfully, explaining to her daughter the way food is really grown / raised and delivered to food places for purchase. She could also explain how a baby is grown inside of a mother's body without getting into graphic details. Would not this be a more responsible way to answer her child's questions? The Tide commercial just sickens me because a mother is setting a bad example of borrowing something that does not belong to her and lying about not using it.

So what do you think? Am I off base here? Maybe I just have this weird idea of parents being honest with their children. It just seems irresponsible to me to see commercials that show parents actively lying to their children and thinking it okay.

Everybody wants to go to Heaven

2010-11-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, I am that annoying guy that just posts music on his blog. I have a couple more songs I would like to share. As I was flying to Connecticut today, I listened to Love and Rockets. Now I would imagine that most people have not heard of this band. Love and Rockets is an alternative band from the 80s and also a spin off from the gothic band Bauhaus. I find their music very enjoyable and two of their songs affected me today. I am going to share the song and lyrics and I ask that you take the time to actually listen to the songs and read the lyrics. There are some great messages and thoughts here.

Everybody wants to go to Heaven

Everybody wants to go to heaven
Everybody wants to go to heaven
Everybody wants to go to heaven
Do you wonder if heaven is true?
Do you want to see an angel?
Do you want to see an angel?
Do you want to hear an angel?
Do you wonder if angels are true?
The picket and the policeman
The astronaut in space
The skinhead and the student
The one who wears your face
Do you want to see the kingdom
Without a king?
Do you ever really wonder
If there is such a thing?
The future king of England
The little boy in school
The T.V. commentator
The prophet and the fool
The vicar and the rapist
The prisoner and the judge
The girl who works in Tesco's
The critic with a grudge
The rebel and the teacher
The vandal and the saint
The AIDS patient and the preacher
The one who says he ain't going anywhere
Everybody wants some heaven
Everybody wants some heaven
Everybody wants some heaven
Do you want to go to heaven?
Do you want to hear an angel?
Do you want to see the kingdom?
Oh Yeah!

I like this song; it gives you something to think about. I like that question, “Do you wonder if heaven is true?” Even after leaving the Mormon Church and all the stuff that gets posted about it on the Internet, you still have sit and wonder sometimes what is out there.

Alright, next song that has some deep meaning from Love and Rockets.

Sweet F.A.

I was rolling down the window of my car
And I was thinking where the game had got me so far
Doesn't matter where you're going or where you're coming from
Or is your life just like a grain of sand?
Fuck all else

Well I was rolling down the highway of my dreams
And I was wondering about highward sunsets and the silver screen
Doesn't matter where you're going or where you're coming from
Or is your life just like a grain of sand?
Fuck all else

Doesn't matter where we're going or where we're coming from
Or isn't life just like a grain of sand?
Fuck all else

Rolling down the highway in a dream

I was rolling down the highway in a dream

Just rolling down the highway in a dream

Just rolling...
Just rolling...

What I like about this song is the idea of all that matters is what I choose and I love the phrase “Fuck all else.” People like to make a big deal about religion either for it or against it, but it just doesn’t matter. Make your choice and fuck all else.

Aah, the Devil's Music, just the way I like it!

2010-11-08T20:48:00.003-07:00

Just wanted to share a variety of great Devil's music that is non-religious and evil in every way.

Remember how Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven was suspect of being a song for the devil?

And how about Mephiskapheles and the Bumblebee Tuna song? These kids look like they are having a good time skank dancing, but the album this song comes from is God Bless Satan. Mephiskapheles? Mephisto? Demon anyone?

Now we're talking! The epitomy of evil, The Sex Pistols with Anarchy in the U.K.
I am an anti-Christ!
I am an anarchist!

You can have your Christian hymns, I'll take my Devil's music anyday!

Am I expecting too much?

2010-11-02T20:36:00.000-06:00

Last night, I had a great conversation with my brother and his wife about my parents. I told my brother about the conversation that I had with my parents about a week ago. Here is what my conversation with my parents was about.

If I have not mentioned it before, my parents moved to Arizona; my dad’s health was struggling in Utah and they needed to be in a warmer climate. Well since the Mormon Church had their conference at the beginning of October, I have been curious about whether the controversy that followed was big enough for my parents to notice. Here in Utah, many people were outraged about the statements of Boyd K. Packer and the subsequent changes in print that the church made. Was it just a Utah thing or did anyone outside of the state of Utah notice?

As I was chatting with my parents, curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask them about it. I asked if they had heard any of the news about the controversy and protests that happened after conference. They said that they had not heard anything about it. I filled them in about what the issues were. They said that they had watched conference and had not noticed anything out of the ordinary with the talks. As my mom said about Packer, “He was just speaking for the Lord.” My dad went on to talk about the anti-Mormons that he so deeply despises. They also asked if I am going to church or believe in god now. I explained that I am not going to church and I am not sure whether there is a god or not. I am okay with saying I do not know for sure. Our conversation ended shortly afterward and everything was fine.

So I related this story to my brother and we had a good conversation about the results. We were fascinated with the idea that my parents had not noticed anything different about conference. The leaders were speaking for the Lord and nothing else mattered. Outside of the state of Utah, hardly anyone noticed that some leader of the Mormon Church had said anything out of the ordinary that would have upset anyone. As I have said before, outside of the state of Utah, the Mormon Church is very inconsequential and insignificant, hardly noticed by anyone.

I explained that I feel like my relationship with my parents seems so unresolved because they will not even acknowledge any of the issues that I bring up about the church. My brother, who is three years younger than me, had some good advice about this. He said that since our parents are in their senior years, it might be too much to ask of them to consider that the church may not be true. They have lived their entire lives devoted to this church and the thought for them of realizing that their efforts may have been in vain may be too much to ask.

This is sad to me that my parents may be afraid to investigate anything at all because they might be afraid of what they find. They have looked a little bit at the issues, but they do want to look any further. They love the church and have very strong testimonies, but it is not unheard of for people like this to lose their testimonies once they discover the truth. Imagine being in your 70s and investigating the troubling issues with the church and finding your testimony disintegrating before your very eyes. Think of the heartache that would be felt after realizing that you had spent your entire life devoted to a church that is a fraud, and there is no doubt, the Mormon Church is a fraud, no truer than any other church on this earth.

After talking to my brother, I came to the realization that I may be asking too much of my parents. I really cannot expect them to question their devotion to a religion that they have lived for their entire lives. They will remain strong followers of the church to the day they die and I just need to come to terms that they will never accept the decision that I have made to leave. The issues that I have with the church are items that they will never entertain with study or prayer the way that I have. I have questioned my life, my beliefs, and everything that I was taught since I was born. I have the luxury of being able to live the rest of my life the way that I want now and not having to look at my entire life as a waste of devotion to a false religion. I love my parents and I will work on respecting their choice of believing in this church even though I so desperately desire for them to see the truth and come to terms with it instead of running away in fear.

A Long Lost Girlfriend

2010-10-28T18:48:00.000-06:00

The other day at work, I was listening to the Pet Shop Boys and it reminded me of an old girlfriend that I had in high school. When I was in high school, I was not one of those guys that had a girlfriend all the time. I wanted a girlfriend, but it seemed like I could not get them to be interested in me. I think I was too boring and unnoticeable, but at the end of my junior year, I received interest from a girl that I never would have expected, her name was Cherie.

In my junior year, I took a Spanish class and this girl Cherie was in my class, she was a senior. She was cute and usually had the guys around her always talking to her. She was not the most popular girl in school, but she definitely got noticed. I said hi a few times, but we never had much interaction other than just small talk. If I remember right, I may have danced with her a couple of times at the school dances.

Well, along comes the end of the year and yearbook signings. We have all done this and get the usual “stay cool during the summer and see ya next year!” As I was walking around getting people to sign my yearbook, I saw Cherie and approached her. I signed her yearbook and I cannot really remember what I said, probably just the usual stuff like everyone else. When she handed my yearbook back to me, I thanked her and walked away turning to the page that she signed curious as to what she said. What she wrote completely blew me away. Here is what she said, “You are the Hottest Dancer at Taylorsville I have ever seen! What a Stud! Call me this summer and we’ll go dancing at Xenon! It is an honor to know you! Sincerely, Cherie.”

I was completely surprised! I had never noticed that she was interested in me. Well, I could not let an opportunity like this pass me by so after the school year ended, I found her number and gave her a call. We did go dancing at Xenon and had a great time. When I dropped her off, she even let me give her a kiss goodbye. I could not believe my luck and how well this was going.

We started going out during the summer and had some fun times. She was the first girl that I ever really had a “make-out” session with. You know, the classic going to the drive-in movie, but you never actually watch the movie because you are too busy making out with your girlfriend. I learned a lot on these dates.

One thing that was cool about her is that she liked my taste in music. She appreciated the fact that I was into the New Wave music of the 80s. I even had my big cassette tape box that she enjoyed perusing. The Pet Shop Boys had a song called Heart that kind of summed up how I felt about her with lyrics such as, “Every time I see you something happens to me. Like a chain reaction between you and me. My heart starts missing a beat. My heart starts missing a beat. Every time!”

My friend and I snuck over to her house and decorated her car for her birthday. I had streamers all over her car, it looked pretty good. The next day, I could not wait to hear how everything went. As I came home from work, my parents asked me to get something from my room. I went down to my room and turned on the light; Cherie jumped out of my bed and scared me half to death. We had a good laugh as she told me that she was running late for work and had to drive to work with the streamers still attached to her car. Funny times indeed.

As I started my senior year, Cherie informed me that she and her family were moving to Washington. This definitely bummed me out because I was enjoying our relationship for the few months that we had. Before I really had a chance to say goodbye, she was gone and just like that, my first real girlfriend was out of my life. I have never seen her since.

Even now as an adult, I still reminisce about that relationship, she really left an impression on me. It was a fun time with new experiences that involved a girl in my life. I still wonder where she is today. I have done searches on the Internet trying to see if I can track her down, but to no avail. I think the reason why is because our relationship ended so abruptly and seemed a bit unresolved. It would be nice to know that she is doing well today.

Ah, lost love.

It's Just Another Day

2010-10-25T19:47:00.000-06:00

Danny and the boys of Oingo Boingo have this thought to share. . .

It's Just Another Day

Oingo Boingo - Just Another Day
Uploaded by Vince27. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

(There's life underground)

I feel it all around / I feel it in my bones
My life is on the line / When I'm away from home
When I step out the door / The jungle is alive
I do not trust my ears / I don't believe my eyes
I will not fall in love / I cannot risk the bet
Cause hearts are fragile toys / so easy to forget

It's just another day / There's murder in the air
It drags me when I walk / I smell it everywhere
It's just another day / Where people cling to light
To drive away the fear / That comes with every night

It's just another . . . . . . . It's just another day
It's just another . . . . . . . It's just another day . . .

It's just another day--When people wake from dreams
With voices in their ears--That will not go away

I had a dream last night / The world was set on fire
And everywhere I ran / There wasn't any water
The temperature increased / The sky was crimson red
The clouds turned into smoke / And everyone was dead
(but) There's a smile on my face . . . For everyone
There's a golden coin . . . That reflects the sun
There's a lonely place . . . That's always cold
There's a place in the stars . . . For when you get old

There's razors in my bed / That come out late at night
They always disappear / Before the morning light
I'm dreaming again / Of life underground
It doesn't ever move / It doesn't make a sound
And just when I think--That things are in their place
The heavens are secure--The whole thing explodes in my face

It's just another . . . . . . . It's just another day
It's just another . . . . . . . It's just another day . . .

A good song to remember when life kind of sucks.
And besides, Danny Elfman is creepy and dreamy at the same time.

That would be Nihilism for me, thank you.

2010-10-19T20:45:00.000-06:00

I have been feeling rather nihilist lately so I need to write about it. For those that may be unfamiliar with Nihilism, here is a nice definition from Wikipedia.

Nihilism (pronounced /ˈnaɪ.əlɪzəm/ or /ˈniː.əlɪzəm/; from the Latin nihil, nothing) is the philosophical doctrine suggesting the negation of one or more meaningful aspects of life. Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nihilism

Since I have discovered all the issues about the Mormon Church, life has taken on a troubled meaning for me. I decided that the Mormon Church did not work for me, so I had my name removed. There, done with religion. Now what?

Lately, I have found happiness to be a little fleeting. On some days I feel okay and others days I feel a little down. I am sure all the TBM's would be the first to point out that the reason is because I rejected the "true gospel," but I do not feel that way. For my entire life, the church was always what I could depend on to look for meaning in life whether I liked it or not. Since stepping back and re-evaluating my choices in life, I simply do not agree with the philosophies of religions, especially Christian religions. I do not feel like a damage individual that requires saving through atonement.

So what is the point of life now? I wake up, go to work, come home, spend time with the family, then go to sleep only to repeat it all over again tomorrow. Sure, we have various distractions like family activities, vacations, family visits, biking, etc. Nevertheless, who cares? Does it even matter?

Feeling that nihilism? Yeah, that feels good.

Is there a god? I do not know for sure, maybe. Does he or she care about me? Possibly. What if there is no life after death? What if this is it? Is there a point to living? Sure, family members love me, but does it matter? If life ends here, what difference does it make whether I am here or not? Maybe this is why I cannot really call myself an atheist. I would say more agnostic. There might a god out there, it is possible, but who can know for sure?

One of the more interesting philosophers of nihilism is Friedrich Nietzsche. Here are a few interesting quotes from him.

**************
There are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths.

What is it: is man only a blunder of God, or God only a blunder of man?

Better know nothing than half-know many things.
**************

So why do I have difficulty finding lasting happiness? Is it because my former views of eternity are now so questionable? My relationship with my parents seems so unresolved. We cannot talk about anything of substance anymore because I do not think the same as they do anymore, just nice surface pleasantries now. I am sure that visiting with them after Christmas will be a fun experience. <<< Sarcasm, in case it was not obvious.

Yeah I know, quite a downer of a post. This is just how I am feeling at the moment and I needed to express it. I will work on being happier.

Is it always like this!?

And the sand
And the sea grows
I close my eyes
Move slowly through drowning waves
Going away on a strange day
-The Cure-

The Deadmau5 show at Sin City. Morals anyone?

2010-10-17T14:07:00.000-06:00

On Friday October 15, 2010, my friend Dave and I made the road trip from Salt Lake City to Las Vegas for the Deadmau5 show. If you do not know who Deadmau5 is, check out my previous post about him. Deadmau5, aka Joel Zimmerman is the current hot DJ touring the world and he is putting out some great dance/techno/house music.

So, here we are at the Hard Rock Hotel and the funny thing is that we end up running into Deadmau5 in the hallway. Dave and I said a quick hello with a handshake. That was pretty cool because he came across as just a regular guy and not some superstar celebrity. In fact, we saw him again later waiting in line for a taxi.

His show was at Body English inside the Hard Rock Hotel. He put on a great show and I really enjoyed myself. Instead of having the big light cube, this was a more intimate concert with him just upfront on stage doing his show.

I want to comment about the environment that I was in. Las Vegas is known as Sin City for a reason and I certainly witnessed a lot of “sin” in this nightclub. The biggest thing I witnessed was how the girls were dressed. Every single girl there was wearing the tightest, shortest dresses / skirts known to man. Now don’t get me wrong, the eye candy was pretty amazing. The boobs on display were incredible, legs a mile long, and unbelievably tight ass. After a while though, I started to wonder, “Where are the regular girls?” The girls almost looked unrealistic. My buddy Dave told me afterwards that a lot of the girls there were paid escorts. It was quite an experience to see the party atmosphere for real and not just on TV.

So let’s talk modesty and morals. Seeing these girls made me think of the Mormon Church’s strong stance on modesty. None of these girls would have been thought of anything other than completely immoral and immodest. To be honest, I did think that many of them just looked like whores. Is this what the world is? It seems like such an extreme. You have church standards on one side with people getting offended if too much shoulder is shown or a skirt above the knee. On the other hand, you have girls dressing as if they are getting paid for sex. Is there no middle ground?

I also wondered about the self-esteem of these girls. Do they feel like they have to dress like this in order for their boyfriend or other guys to be interested in them. How many of these girls will get so drunk or high on Ecstasy that they will wake up in the morning in some strange bed and wonder how they got there? Who did they end up having sex with that night and not know about it?

Now, I understand that I basically went to the den of evil by going to Las Vegas. It is so blatant there with signs everywhere advertising the many strips clubs located around the city. I guess it just seems a little sad to see people that have no sense of morals. I have left the church, but I still feel like morals and modesty are important. As I saw these girls, I thought of my own daughter; she is 11 right now. Would I want to see her dressed like these girls and dancing with men the way that I saw these girls do? I still want to instill into her a sense of morals and modesty that help her in not making the choices that these girls made. Yes, the church is not what I turn to anymore for my sense of morals and modest, but I still feel like that can be an important part of our choices in life.

Oh Satan, Where Art Thou?

2010-10-09T17:17:00.000-06:00

Oh Satan, where art thou? Why can't I find you? Are you hiding in this bush? Are you waiting for me under the stairs? You promised that I would be in your power, but I cannot find you.

I remember going though the temple ceremony and watching as the actor portraying Lucifer / Satan turned and looked at me eye to eye. He was speaking to everyone in the room with me when he said, "I have a word to say concerning these people. If they do not walk up to every covenant they make at these altars in this temple this day, they will be in my power!" Did he just personally threaten me? Do I need to come up there and kick some Satan ass?

Well, here I am Satan. I have officially resigned from the Mormon Church and I am still here, so where are you? You told me in the temple that I would be in your power and yet I cannot find you. I am out of the church and yet I still feel the same as if I were in the church. I do not have evil spirits surrounding me and I do not live afraid.

I find it interesting that the Mormon Church places so much emphasis on "The Adversary" as if he is just waiting in the shadows to get you. The church teaches that those people who leave the church are under the influence of Satan and are led into evil ways. They are unhappy and bound down with chains. I do not feel this way. I am happy (for the most part) and I am glad to be living a more authentic life. I can be the real me without feeling as if I need to get church approval first about what I think or do.

I have not encountered Satan, nor do I feel like I have evil spirits influencing me. It is like when I was praying about the truthfulness of the Mormon Church and the Book of Mormon. I prayed so hard and for months hoping for an answer. I pled with god to give me something of a feeling. Just let me know that you are there and that I can follow your church.

Nothing. I got nothing. No answer. No feeling. No spiritual witness. No revelation. Really? You don't care enough to tell me that you care, god? So that was it, that was my answer. Satan said he would come get me if I left and yet I have not heard from him either. I walked away from the temple and the covenants that I made, but he has not shown up yet. He must be a pretty good hider.

Oh Satan, where art thou?

My Dodge letter and thoughts

2010-10-03T12:35:00.000-06:00

Well, Blondie beat me to it, but here is my confirmation letter from Gregory Dodge confirming my resignation from the church. Blondie called me when we received them and she was very excited. I was out of town, but when I got home, I immediately wanted to see the letters. It is kind of a weird feeling seeing four individual letters for each member or our family indicating that we are no longer members. I like the fact that the letter is simple and to the point, no guilt, or pressure for us to come back.

Since we have received the letters, Blondie and I have had some good discussions about why we are happy to be out of the church and why we feel it is wrong. Here are some of my thoughts. . .

Everyone is born on this earth with unique qualities, thoughts, and cultures. No one is the same. No one thinks exactly the same. No one acts exactly the same. No one looks exactly the same. Some people may be more conservative while others are more liberal. These various qualities are what make living on the earth so interesting and worth living for.

The Mormon Church comes along and says, "You are a great person and we love you, come join us to live in happiness." However, that is not all that the church says. They want you to join them, but there are things about yourself that you need to adjust. You cannot come as you are. You thought that having a cup of coffee made you happy? Well, the church is here to tell you that coffee does not make you happy. You are a man that enjoys wearing earrings? Well, that will just not do. A woman that wants to wear more than just one pair of earrings? You should reconsider your moral priorities. You have attractions to people of the same sex? We have therapy sessions to help you overcome your sinful nature.

The Mormon Church wants everyone to be a part of their church, but they don't want people to come as they are. The church wants everyone to change aspects about themselves that will conform to the vanilla, generic church member that the leaders of the church like to see. Clean-cut, white shirt and tie, missionary haircut, no facial hair for men. Modest dresses, modest unnoticeable earrings, very simple make up that does not bring attention for women.

How boring is this? Do I want to walk around a bunch of drones? Women who are more concerned about whether they are showing too much skin with either a sleeveless shirt or a skirt above their knee? Then there is always the risk of whether their garments are showing. I will join the countless others in expressing just how ugly and stupid looking garments are. They are a truly asinine piece of clothing that is wasting members' time. They are truly shiny keys.

So, this is one of the reasons why I do not believe that the church is true. Why would a god create billions of people to come to earth with all their unique qualities and then expect all people to be exactly the same? What's the point? I do not agree with the Mormon Church in trying to change everyone to fit one mold. I love seeing unique people that are different. The gay couple, the person with too many tattoos, the punk with the purple hair, the business man in a suit, my great neighbor that hunts everything, this is what I love, the variety. Imagine if everyone on the earth was Mormon. How boring would that be? Would I even want to live on an earth like that? I think not.

Thank you Blue October, I was spiritually uplifted.

2010-10-02T20:45:00.001-06:00

Last night was the Blue October concert and to put it simply, it was an awesome show. If you do not know who Blue October is, please go to this link and familiarize yourself with this band. They are talented beyond belief and the songs they perform will hit you on such a personal level.

Blondie and I wanted to have a fun night for the concert so we made some preparations. We went to the Gateway for dinner, but we decided to make our own drinks to enjoy before the show. If you have ever wanted to know, drinks in Utah really suck ass. The drinks are so specifically measured and can only have one to one and a half ounces of alcohol in each drink. In other words, you are paying a lot of money for pretty weak drinks. Here is how we prepared our drinks. We took regular sized Coke and Dr. Pepper bottles, poured out some of the soda, and replaced it with whiskey and rum; now the soda was fun.

After our dinner, we sat on a bench at the Gateway and enjoyed our sodas; no one knew anything different. It got time to head to the show so we finished off our drinks and went to the concert. By this time, Blondie was feeling really good. We maneuvered our way to where we wanted to be and then waited as the opening band finished. Blondie was pretty tipsy and basically held onto me very close; it made me happy to know that I have a girl that loves me so much.

Blue October finally started their show and it was mesmerizing. Blondie loves them so much and their songs mean a lot to her. With almost every song, she had tears streaming down her face because the lyrics of each song affected her so strongly. For me, I could not stand still. At most concerts, guys look pretty stupid if you ask me. They stand there and try to look cool not showing any emotion or desire to dance to the music. Not me. The music was just so damned good; I could not stand still any more. I started dancing and dancing my way. I did not care if anyone was looking at me or laughing, it did not matter. It was a spiritual experience for me to let myself go and do what I wanted to do with a big “Fuck you!” attitude for anyone that thought anything less of me for it.

When the show ended, Blondie and I walked back to our car. Surprisingly, she was still feeling pretty tipsy, good thing I was feeling pretty good. We drove home with smiles on our faces reminiscing about just how good the Blue October show was. I think we will go see them any time they come back.

So this weekend is conference weekend for the LDS church and I just don’t care. It does not matter to me because I don’t need the spiritual uplifting from it, which I would not have received anyway. The Blue October concert gave me all the spiritual uplifting that I need.

It is official; I am an Ex-Mormon.

2010-09-28T18:02:00.002-06:00

Well, it is now official; I am an Ex-Mormon. Blondie called me to let me know that we received our letters today. We received four letters, one for each member of our family.

So how do I feel about this? I would say that I have mixed feelings right now. I am happy and yet I have a feeling of loss and remorse. I am sure that I am not the only that has felt this way. So what do I do now? The future is wide open, I am still finding my way through life and I will keep discovering what works best for me.

In a future post, I will post my letter.

Walking though the art museum

2010-09-26T19:41:00.000-06:00

I’m walking though The Minneapolis Institute of the Arts and there is so much to see. I start with the Asian art collection. So many influences of Buddhism and Taoism here. I enjoy looking at the intricate artwork, so detailed. Entire rooms have been recreated inside the museum depicting the lifestyle of these ancient Asian people. I try to envision what life was like for these people. Were they overly religious and expecting conformity from all members? With so many religious influenced art and sculptures on display, it looks like rigid religious expectations were definitely a part of this culture. Was there anyone that questioned or decided that the religious culture was not for them?

I move into the Egyptian display and see various wooden sarcophaguses on display showing the burial practices of the Egyptians. Inside the sarcophagus is Egyptian artwork. I see images with very similar imagery to the facsimiles in the Book of Abraham. Did Abraham get buried in this sarcophagus? I remind myself that the imagery used here is for burial purposes that Egyptians used and really had nothing at all to do with Abraham. How funny.

I walk into an area with various ceremonial masks. I’m not sure if this is American Indian or Pacific Islander, I guess I forgot to look. There is an amazing wooden mask with so many colors and designs that is mesmerizing to look at. I have my camera and try to take a good picture of it. Damn this reflective glass that has encased this mask! No matter what angle I try, there is always a reflection or some other person showing up in my picture. Photography is fun and yet frustrating at the same time.

On the upper level are displays of modern art. I enjoy walking through here and seeing various displays, but I can’t stop thinking about the Asian displays. I found those sculptures so intriguing, but I also ask myself, “How the hell did they get a full sized car up on the 3rd floor?” Beyond the modern art, I find more renaissance type art from the 1600’s. So many portraits of affluent people. Did they really dress and look like this? The clothes they are wearing almost look like clown clothes. So interesting to see what they were like and some of them are just not attractive people. Maybe we have evolved into better looking people compared to back then, just a thought.

Then I walk into the Christian art, ugh. As I look around, I see the same types of paintings about Christ that I have seen so many times before. Mary holding her blessed son, angels flying over head. One painting shows God in the clouds sending the baby Christ down to Mary as if he is throwing a strike over home plate. I also chuckle when I seen a painting of Christ clearing the vendors out of the temple with his whip; one of the women is walking through the scene with her son has her boobs exposed. I’m pretty sure that is how it happened, women running through the temple topless. Or maybe artists just like painting boobs. As I look around, I find that is a common theme in many of the paintings. Yeah, boobs are nice to look at, just no other way around it.

As I walk out of the Minneapolis Institute of the Arts, I realize that I found the art displays quite enjoyable. I only wish Blondie could have been with me. She would have dug the Asian art, too.

My love for Bowie

2010-09-24T23:07:00.004-06:00

I want to share why I chose to use the name Bowie for my online persona, there is a reason. Essentially, I consider David Bowie to be one of the greatest performers of all time. He does not perform so much anymore in recent years, but during his heyday, he was the shit! I need to give credit to my brother for introducing me to Bowie back in the 80’s when we were teens.

David Bowie has reinvented himself so many times and you may think that since I first heard him in the 80’s that I would like his 80’s music such as Let’s Dance the best, but you would be wrong. My favorite incarnation of David Bowie is the work the produced in the 70’s. Ziggy Stardust was a mind blower for the type of character and music he produced, but I really like the music that he released in the mid 70’s as the Thin White Duke. If you look at the picture of him that I use as my avatar, it is of the Thin White Duke.

I watched the VH1 100 Greatest Artists of all Time and David Bowie was rated as #12. This is a list that was created from polling the rock and artists themselves. One reason why I love Bowie so much is because of his absolute talent in writing and performing his music.

I want to share some of his amazing performances.

I couldn't get the embedded code for this video, but click the link. It is worth it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQFuNHCMF2Y&ob=av2n

Well, I hope you enjoyed the perfection and musicial genius of David Bowie. There are so many other songs, but then this post would be never ending.

Interesting Religious Maps of the United States

2010-09-19T21:54:00.009-06:00

I wanted to share some interesting maps and charts from the book Sociology 13th Edition by John J. Macionis. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, this book has a great review of religions around the world. I found these maps very interesting since it shows various religious concentrations throughout the country.

Take a look at this map first. This shows where most religions congregate in the country. The purple is more than 75%, the tan is 50% to 75%, the light blue is 35% to 50%, and the darker blue is less than 35%.

See any interesting results? The Midwest down to the south is a pretty religious area. Texas looks to be very religious. Check out the east and west coasts. There are some very low religious areas here. Gotta love Washington and Oregon, hardly any religion at all. I think the most obvious is Utah. It is the most religious state in the entire country.

Now take a look at the next map. The colors here break out the actual different religious sects, which happen to all be Christian. Red is Baptist, Light blue is Catholic, Tan is Non-denominational Christian, Dark blue is Latter-Day Saint, Brown is Lutheran, and Green is Methodist.

I find this map fascinating. First of all, there are maybe two tiny spots for Methodist. Lots of light blue scattered around for Catholics. New England, southern California, and southern Texas are very Catholic. I guess North Dakota and Minnesota love their Lutherans up there. Of course, we have the Bible belt completely covered by the Baptists. I cannot tell you how many Baptists churches I have seen in those areas, too many to count!

Once again, let us look at Utah. The entire state is dark blue and the dark blue has seeped into Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, and Arizona. Doesn't this just enforce the idea that the Mormon Church is a Utah church? They want to say that they are a worldwide religion, but look; they do not have hardly any numbers outside of Utah. I would be curious to see what a worldwide map would look like. Various insignificant specks of dark blue scattered about?

This final chart shows percentages of religions in the United States. Latter-Day Saint does not even show up, it is probably in the 19.4% of All others or no denomination. I wonder if the 16.5% of No religious preference includes atheists and agnostics.

Here is the source for all maps and charts.
Macionis, John J. 2010. Sociology 13th Edition. Page 503. Publisher: Pearson.

Well, there you have it. I hope you enjoyed these maps as much as I did. I find it very telling that the Mormon Church is so concentrated into one area of the United States while the rest of the country and world dismisses it as almost inconsequential.

A nice CALM Sunday

2010-09-19T17:34:00.002-06:00

Today, we had a fun picnic in Farmington, Utah hosted by John Larsen. The name of the picnic was CALM (Community After Leaving Mormonism). Blondie and I had a very enjoyable visit with everyone there. We brought our kids and many of the other families brought their children, too.

We spent most of our time sitting, visiting with others about their experiences in the church and why they are leaving it. Everyone certainly has a story to tell, everything from not receiving answers to prayers, opposition to Proposition 8, or finding church history repulsive. I was fascinated with meeting people and hearing what they had to say.

There was a sad commonality among many of the stories; everyone had difficulties with acceptance from friends and family. I find the breakdown of family relationships so frustrating. Why does this church have to create such a stereotype and cause such a strain on family relationships? This is just another reason why I find religion in general so damaging. Instead of building up family relationships, religions (especially the Mormon Church) tear down family relationships when a family member does not believe. I heard someone at the picnic say about her dad that he had told her, “I don’t want any empty chairs.” He was referring to the afterlife and having missing family members because they were not obedient to the covenant. Just another way to pile on pressure and guilt to family members that might be doubting.

Yesterday, Blondie and I listened to some of John Larsen’s podcasts and one of them was about a Jehovah’s Witness making his way out of that church. Hearing about the way that his family and friends are shunning him now is just heartbreaking. Blondie and I discussed about how we think we might have it bad with our family relationships, but it could be worse trying to come out of the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Another observation I noticed while visiting at the picnic was whether people have sent in their official resignation letter or not. On our way home, I realized that Blondie and I were the only ones out of everyone that we visited with that had actually sent in our resignation letter. Sending in the letter is such a personal choice and for some people it works and others it does not. For Blondie and me, we wanted that separation that allows us to feel like we are completely free of an organization that we no longer support or believe in. I was very interested in hearing others say that it was not important to them or that they felt like they could not send the letter because it would hurt their family too much. I can certainly understand this since I was very hesitant to send in my letter in fear of how my family would react.

All in all, this was a fun Sunday activity. How great is it to visit and hang out with cool ex-mo friends. These people are some of the coolest and nicest people I have met. Everybody has a story to tell and they are all at various points in their journey out of the church. I also enjoy the idea of losing toxic Mormon friends on Facebook and gaining cool friends that can relate to me with my journey in life.

Is the Mormon Church a sect or a cult?

2010-09-09T18:45:00.004-06:00

Lately, I have had some conversations about whether the Mormon Church should be considered a cult or a church / sect. I have always been uncomfortable with calling the Mormon Church a cult. It just feels weird to me. Yes, the church does have some strange views and expectations of its members, but there are other churches that are similar. Every church a cult, every cult a church?

I had the opportunity to look at a brand new Sociology book by John J. Macionis. It is simply titled Sociology 13th Edition. I found this book very interesting with the various topics that it covers and of course, it covers religion. I appreciated the fact that it covered all religions in a very non-biased way. I found a section that defines sects / cults and I am going to reproduce that section here.

Sect

. . . The sect, a type of religious organization that stands apart from the larger society. Sect members have rigid religious convictions and deny the beliefs of others. Compared to churches, which try to appeal to everyone (the term catholic also means "universal"), a sect forms an exclusive group. To members of a sect, religion is not just one aspect of life but a firm plan for living. In extreme cases, members of a sect withdraw completely from society in order to practice their religion without interference. The Amish community is one example of a North American sect that isolates itself. Because our culture generally considers religious tolerance a virtue, members of sects are sometimes accused of being narrow-minded in insisting that they alone follow the true religion (Kraybill, 1994; P.W. Williams, 2002).

. . . To sustain their membership, many sects actively recruit, or proselytize, new members. Sects highly value the experience of conversion, a personal transformation or religious rebirth. For example, members of Jehovah's Witnesses go door to door to share their faith with others in the hope of attracting new members.

Cult

A cult is a religious organization that is largely outside a society's cultural traditions. Most sects spin off from conventional religious organizations. However, a cult typically forms around a highly charismatic leader who offers a compelling message about a new and very different way of life. As many as 5000 cults exist in the United States (Marquand & Wood, 1997).

Because some cult principles or practices are unconventional, the popular view is that they are deviant or even evil. The suicides of thirty-nine members of California's Heaven Gate cult in 1997 - people who claimed that dying was a doorway to a higher existence, perhaps in the company of aliens from outer space - confirmed the negative image the public holds of most cults. In short, calling any religious community a "cult" amounts to dismissing its members as crazy (Shupe, 1995; Gleick, 1997).

This charge is unfair because there is nothing basically wrong with this kind of religious organization. Many longstanding religions - Christianity, Islam, and Judaism included - began as cults. Of course, few cults exist for very long. One reason is that they are even more at odds with the larger society than sects. Many cults demand that members not only accept their doctrine but also adopt a radically new lifestyle. This is why people sometimes accuse cults of brainwashing their members, although research suggests that most people who join cults experience no psychological harm (Kilbourne, 1983; P.W. Williams, 2002).
Macionis, John J. 2010. Sociology 13th Edition. Publisher: Pearson.

So, what do you think? Is the Mormon Church a sect or a cult? I tend to lean more toward a sect. The church has many strict expectations and views itself as "the one and only true church on the face of the earth," but categorizing the church as a cult seems a bit extreme to me. Is Joseph Smith charismatic enough to be considered a cult leader? Should members of the Mormon Church be considered crazy? If the Jehovah's Witnesses are not considered a cult, then certainly the Mormon Church is not a cult either.

The big visit with our bishop

2010-08-25T21:52:00.002-06:00

Tonight was the night that we have been waiting for; our bishop called me up and asked if he could come by to visit. We knew exactly why he was calling; our letter had been forwarded to him and he wanted to meet with us about it. We were more than willing to have him come to our house; we really did not want to meet with him in the bishop’s office.

Our bishop is a really cool guy. He grew up as a Utah dairy farmer and he is very down to earth and friendly. His visit was actually very pleasant. We talked for a while about various normal things such as home improvements and living in the neighborhood. Blondie says that I talk too much, but I like to be friendly when people come to visit.

He eventually brought up the letter that we had sent in. He asked Blondie if she had copied it from the Internet. She confirmed that she had written the letter herself, using example letters from the Internet as a guide. I think he asked about this because we had hit all of the major points in the letter that are normally counseled upon and was probably surprised that we covered them all. He asked about the 30-day waiting period and we explained that we had already put a lot of thought into this and that this was not a knee-jerk reaction. We explained that another 30 days would not change our minds. He complimented us on taking our time with this and not rushing into it.

We explained that we have informed our families of where we stand with the church. They know that we do not believe. He acknowledged the fact that we indicated in our letter that we know of the ramifications of resigning. He made sure to say, “It will be as if you were never baptized and confirmed, never received the priesthood, and never married in the temple.” We responded letting him know that we were well aware of this.

I wanted to make sure that he knew that we were not offended with anyone in the ward and not upset with them in any way. He asked if he could inform the leaders of the ward about our resignation and we told him that would be fine. He also asked if we wanted any contact from the ward. We explained that we do not want home teachers or visiting teachers or primary activities, but if someone wants to visit with us as a friend or neighbor, we are perfectly fine with that. He said that he might come by and visit occasionally and we were fine with that.

Our visit ended very pleasantly, he told us that he would waive the 30-day waiting period and expedite our letter. We really could not have asked for a more calm and relaxed visit. Blondie and I are happy to know that this process is moving along and we will receive a confirmation letter from the church in the near future.

I likes me the Deadmau5

2010-08-23T21:53:00.005-06:00

Have you heard of Deadmau5? This guy is incredible. My friend got me turned onto him just recently. His music is all techno / electronica and I think it is some amazing stuff. Here’s some videos with great music and amazing visuals. His trademark is the dead mouse head that he wears. The first 4 videos are live performance with his mind blowing light show and visuals. Since these live recordings never give justice to the actual music, the last video is one of his studio recordings.

Looks like the videos don't fit my blog layout too well. Sorry about that.

So what do ya think? Crazy shit? Mesmerizing? When I listen to this stuff, I can't help but start dancing around.

Here is some extra info on Deadmau5 from MTV.

http://newsroom.mtv.com/2010/08/16/deadmau5-vmas-2010/

I told my parents and it wasn't too bad

2010-08-19T22:17:00.002-06:00

I would like to thank Kiley and Maureen for their advice of telling my parents about my family’s resignation. I decided to take their advice and send my parents an email. I sent them an email telling them that if they wanted to talk to me about it, I would be willing to do so, but if they did not want to talk, I would understand.

After sending the email, I waited to see if I would hear from them. After a couple of days, still no response. Blondie and I listened to a podcast by John Dehlin that she found recently. Here is the link, http://mormonstories.org/whytheyleave/

I found this podcast very informative and exactly what I wanted my parents to hear. I decided to send them an additional email with the link to this podcast. I did receive a response from them after this email; they indicated that they would like to talk on the phone.

I spoke to them last night and found that they were quite pleasant on the phone. We talked about various items and I was beginning to wonder if they were going to bring the whole church subject. Eventually, I brought up the church so we could address the pressing subject at hand. Surprisingly, they were pretty reasonable and did not lay a lot of guilt or hurt feelings on me. They had one main request of me; they do not like seeing any critical comments about the church on Facebook and would like me to stop posting those. I found this interesting since I already feel like I have been censoring myself. Oh well, I guess I will re-double my censoring efforts on Facebook and just let out my real feelings on my blog instead. My parents are not aware of my blog so I can basically say whatever I want here.

Overall, I found this to be a positive experience. I am glad that I am the one that told them about our resignation instead of them finding out by accident. I hope that my relationship with my parents will start to stabilize and we can move into new phase of our lives. They want to be happy in the church and I want to be happy out of the church. Let’s all be happy together; I hope that we can be.

How should I tell my parents about resigning?

2010-08-11T22:18:00.002-06:00

Okay, well some interesting developments have happened recently. Blondie and I have submitted our resignation letter to the church. We have received a correspondence from the church and you can see the results of that here.

This brings up some hard questions concerning my parents. We have not told them yet that we have submitted our resignation letter. From everything that I have heard, they will most likely find out when they have their tithing settlement at the end of this year since the tithing statement will show all of their children along with their member record number. In my case, it will probably say something like Member – no.

I have started to wonder how they will react to this. I am sure that they will be crushed once more after coming to the knowledge that I am officially out of their “true” church. We are making plans on going down to Arizona to visit them between Christmas and New Years. I am getting the feeling that it may not be a very pleasant visit if they find out about us right before we come down.

Here is an interesting twist on this situation. My brother is in Afghanistan and he will be coming home at the end of this month. He and his family currently live in Ohio. I had the chance to chat with him online last night and I told him about our letter. He was surprised, but supportive knowing that this will be the best for my family. He also surprised me by saying that they are planning on also coming to Utah and Arizona to visit with family members and our parents. I was very excited about this because this would mean that my family and I would not be visiting my parents on our own, my brother and his family would be there also. Extra family support is always good.

So here is the new situation that I have been thinking about today. If my parents find out about our resignation right before we all come down to visit, I will have once again ruined their happiness of visiting with my brother and his family. This happened last year when I sent them my letter telling them my feelings about the church right before my brother came to visit. I did not want to tell them right before he came to visit, but I was kind of cornered into telling them since they wanted my brother and I to give my dad a blessing. I was not comfortable with faking a blessing so I sent them the letter. They blamed me for ruining the visit. I really do not want to repeat this and I am envisioning that this could happen again.

The thought hit me today of how I might resolve this situation before everything hits the fan. What if I sent them a letter now telling them that we have resigned from the church? Of course, they will still be hurt and feel really bad, there is just no way of getting around that. The good thing would be that they would have time to recover from the shock and prepare for our visit along with my brother’s visit later in the year. The other good thing is that they would hear it from me and not find out second hand from some random bishop’s visit.

What do you think? Do you think this would be a good idea? Has anyone else had experience with telling his or her parents or family members about officially resigning from the church? I would love to hear what you have to say.

La Roux, that girl with the hair

2010-07-31T17:58:00.006-06:00

There is a new artist that I have discovered that I really enjoy. Her name is La Roux. She is a British artist that definitely has a unique style. She originally caught my eye with her red hair that she has styled straight up; I love it. She looks like David Bowie in the early 70's and everyone knows how much I love David Bowie. Blondie does not care for her voice, but I find it unique and actually quite clear. Here are a couple of videos. Let me know what your think.

This is the video that initially caught my eye. I love her hair and make up.

This video is my favorite, it is quirky and cool.

Tattoos and parents, oh my!

2010-07-28T21:46:00.002-06:00

Hey everyone, I am still here. I have been busy with various other things in my life like work and such. I have been trying to decide what to blog about and I found something that at least for me was kind of funny and frustrating.

Last week, I had an interesting interaction with my parents. My dad had been struggling with his health for a few days and ended up in the hospital. I kept in touch with my parents to make sure that he was doing okay. He was released from the hospital and made it back home when we had this conversation. We talked about how he was doing and hoping that he will feel better. At the end of the phone call, I asked if there was anything else they wanted to talk about. My dad asked, “Did you get a tattoo?” I answered, “Yes I did.” His response, “Do I need to take my strap across your backside?” (I am 39 years old and yet my parents still want to talk to me as if I am 10.) Now at this point, I asked, “Did you see my pictures on Facebook?”

Let me give a little background information before I go any further with this story. If you have read some of my older blog posts, you know that Blondie and I got our tattoos back in mid-May. We showed our friends, but we did not immediately advertise this fact to various family members. Blondie showed her tattoo to all of her family including her parents and they were fine, hardly a reaction. We actually received many compliments about how pretty and cool looking they are.

My parents are a different story. A few weeks after getting our tattoos, my parents took a flight through Salt Lake City, Utah out to see my brother’s family for their son’s baptism. We planned to meet them for the evening, but we did not want them to see our tattoos. My tattoo was easy to cover since it is on my chest, but Blondie’s tattoo is on her wrist. We went through great lengths to cover her tattoo up and not make it noticeable. Here is the reason why we did this. My parents were heading to my brother’s house for his son’s baptism and we did not want to cause an issue in between. I was afraid that if they saw our tattoos, we would receive comments from my parents such as, “We were looking forward to our grandson’s baptism, but seeing your tattoos ruined the spirit for us. This tainted our visit since we could only think about what you have done to your bodies.” I did not want to be responsible for ruining their experience, so we did not reveal our tattoos to them at that time. Our visit went well and they had a nice spiritual time at my brother’s house.

Fast forward to July. Blondie and I have decided that we no longer need to hide our tattoos from anyone, including my parents. We took pictures of ourselves with our tattoos and posted them on Facebook. Blondie set her main picture as the new one of her with her tattoo. I did not broadcast mine. I simply created a photo album and put the pictures in there. In essence, my tattoo pictures would not be seen by accident, someone would be looking intentionally.

Now let us return to the conversion that I had with my parents last week. My dad used these words when he asked me, “Did you get a tattoo?” I replied yes and then I asked if he saw my pictures on Facebook. He said, “Yes, I saw your pictures.” My response was, “If you saw my pictures on Facebook, then why did you ask me ‘Did you get a tattoo?’ when you already knew that I did?” He said, “I wanted to hear you tell me.” Completely frustrating.

They then went on with asking me if I was going to get more. I told them not right now since we are spending our money in other areas at the moment. (Have no fear, I will definitely be getting more tattoos, they are just a little bit expensive.) Here is another gem of a question, “Are you going to let your son and daughter get tattoos now?” What the hell? Yes, since I am an adult and decide to get a tattoo, this now means that I will let my 13-year son and 10-year-old daughter get tattoos. What kind of logic is this?

I told them, “No, I was not going to let my children get tattoos at their age.” They then proceeded to talk about all the ugly fat women that they see with tattoos and skimpy bikinis at the lake. Just unbelievable.

Well, there is a nice glimpse into the futile and completely frustrating relationship that I have with my parents since I did the absolutely worst thing ever, I decided that the church is not true for me and my family.

To my moving neighbors, WTF?

2010-06-30T17:25:00.005-06:00

I have been in a state of shock today. My beautiful wife Blondie posted some very disturbing news on her blog last night. Our neighbors that live across the street from us have children that are the same age as our children. They have decided to move and the reason that we initially thought is not the real reason at all. We initially heard that they had grown out of their house and needed a larger one. After reading Blondie’s blog post, we have now discovered that they are moving because of us. Since we have left the church, started drinking casually, and got tattoos, I guess we are now the worst neighbors to have and our children are a bad influence on their children.

Is this really what Mormons do? I guess I have lived my entire life as a member of the church and never caught onto this idea. Do Utah Mormons think that they can live in a bubble of holiness and protection from the real world? I guess Blondie and I are just extra dangerous since we used to believe and now we don’t. We are not one of those unsuspecting non-members that do not know anything about the church. We know all about the church, every aspect about how it operates and what is expected. I went through the temple with the old ceremony before the changes in 1990. Yes, I did the death penalties in the temple. There is no pulling the wool over our eyes about what happens or has happened in the church.

So my question for our neighbors that have decided that we are longer good enough to live by is what happens when you move to another neighborhood and find neighbors that are not up to your standards? What if another family has children of similar age that no longer go to church? What if your neighbor is a sexual predator or criminal of some sort? Is that better than good upstanding neighbors that no longer go to church or share your belief system? Do you move again?

I guess I am taking this a little personally because my parents just did the same thing. They moved to Arizona for my dad’s health. They have been very diligent in reporting to us about how much better they are doing health wise since they moved there. The interesting thing is that they did not even think of moving until after we told them that we no longer believed in the church. Now our neighbors who have lived across from us for about 10 years have decided to do the same thing. I guess telling people that you no longer believe in the church is one of the worst things you can do.

Anyone want to move in across the street from some non-believers? I promise we are nice people. We have good hygiene and shower every day.

Who is God and what is He (or She) like?

2010-06-28T21:51:00.006-06:00

Okay, time to get rhetorical. I have been thinking of some aspects about God that just seem weird to me. Have you ever heard the term “God fearing”? Here is an example, “I respect Bro. Johnson because he is a God fearing man.” “The United States is great because it is a God fearing country.”

So here is my question. Why is it good to fear God? I can certainly see why some people do fear God when various stories in the Bible show God as a jealous or vengeful God. Fearing God is even in the Ten Commandments with “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” So right from the get-go we have a fear of God instilled into us, but why? Why does God want us to fear him? Is respect or love not good enough?

Joseph Smith’s version of God even gets personal. God, in the words of Joseph Smith, personally threatens Emma Smith with destruction if she does not follow Joseph Smith and his teachings of polygamy. Even though the practice of polygamy is repulsive to everyone, Joseph Smith’s God will not accept any other way. Why would we want to follow a God like that?

I am currently in Leesville, LA and as I drove here from the airport, I drove by so many churches that I could not count them all. They were mostly Pentecostal and Southern Baptist churches. Of course, they all have their various signs out front to get your attention. One in particular caught my eye, it said, “We were created to glorify God.” Is God really so egotistical that he created us for the sole reason that we could turn around and worship him? What’s the point? Does He get some sort of satisfaction from having an entire world full of people worshiping Him, hoping that He will bless them?

The more that I think about the Mormon Church’s Plan of Salvation, the more that I think it is a setup for failure. Here is how the plan goes. God created all of us as spirit children and decided that we needed to gain bodies and experience. He created an earth and gave us the opportunity to choose if we wanted to go there. Well of course, once we come to earth, we become sinful and need redemption from our sins if we want to live with God the Father and Jesus Christ again. So, God sent his Son, Jesus Christ to atone for our sins. Here’s the catch though. According to the Mormon Church, Christ’s atonement is not good enough to return to live with God and Christ. We have to choose the “correct” gospel and church to make it to the Celestial Kingdom. So if we do not choose that, then we are screwed. Basically, God is telling us that since we did not choose correctly, He does not want anything to do with us again. That does not seem very loving or understanding to me.

If my son or daughter make wrong decisions or choose a life differently than I would prefer, will I turn them away and never see them again? The answer is a resounding NO! How is it that I can have more love for my children than the Christian God can for His children? Is God really that willing to turn away his children just because they did not listen to His “prophet”? The idea of prophets really bothers me. I prefer to make my own decisions in my life instead of having them dictated to me.

So I will end with this. Who is God and what is He (or She) like? The Christian idea of God just does not sound right to me. What do you think about God?

The Father's Day call

2010-06-22T20:03:00.001-06:00

Calling my parents on Father’s Day was not quite the same for me as it probably was for others. I’m calling wanting to be the good son and show my parents that I am the son they can be proud of. When I talk to them, they are friendly and cheerful. Our conversation seems so trivial. “How’s the weather?” “Did you get the Father’s Day package I sent to you?” “How are the kids?” The whole time I am hoping that nothing uncomfortable comes up. What do they think of me? Do they look on me with disappointment? Why can’t I get these thoughts and feelings to go away? I can tell that the conversation is starting to become strained in trying to find additional trivial topics to talk about. I tell them that we are getting ready for dinner and end our phone call. Well, I’m glad that is over. Our conversation went well, completely on the surface, but in the end, it felt lacking. I can’t talk to my parents about anything in depth anymore. My relationship with them feels so unresolved. I want to talk to them about why I have chosen my life and turned away from their church, but what would it accomplish? They really don’t want to hear any of my reasons about why. I keep thinking that maybe I could obtain some sort of acknowledgement from them that would justify my reasons. They are so defensive now about their church that I don’t think that anything I can say would ever register with them. Everything I say now is tainted with the fact that I have left their church. I hesitate to have my name removed from their church hoping to prevent hurting them even more. Would it make a difference if I did? I feel like the only way to make things better is to come to them and tell them I was wrong and will come back to their church. If I never do that, I feel like our lives will never be reconciled. Everything is so different with them now. There is always the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about anymore. I wake up every morning and am faced with the thought of my parents and their church again and again. Blondie says that it will get better with time. When will that be? Other people that have left seem to be facing these issues for many years. My issues have only started; I have many years to go. My parents want us to come visit them this winter. It could be fun, but I’m sure it will be wrecked with various disappointments. I can’t wait to see what their reaction to my tattoo will be. What will they say when I tell them that I want more?

Yes, I know, one big paragraph. I wanted it to be that way. Kind of like spilling out all of my thoughts and feelings into one big pile.

Possible Proposition 8 overturn. Beautiful

2010-06-16T20:33:00.002-06:00

Right now final arguments have been made in San Francisco concerning the possible overturning of Proposition 8. Read the story here. Here’s to hoping that the judge will overturn this horrible and hurtful proposition.

As always, I am a big fan of music and lyrics. I personally find Christina Aguilera’s music very enjoyable. Here is her song Beautiful along with the lyrics. The video is very meaningful with the portrayal of various rejects of society. These are my kind of people.

(mmhm hmmm)
(ohh yeah)
(mmaa ahhh)

Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly,its hard to breath
Now and then I get insecure, from all the pain
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring me down (ohhh nooo)
So don't you bring me down today

(mmmhmm mmm)

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom.... (oohh mmm)
Trying hard to fill that emptiness,
The pieces gone,left the puzzle undone,
Aint that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down (ohhh noo)
you are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring you down (ohhh noo)
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do (No matter what we do)
No matter what we say (No matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune (yeah yeah oh yeaaahhh)
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go (And everywhere we go)
the sun will always shine (the sun will always always shine....)
And tomorrow we might awake
on the other side

'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes words won't bring us down (ohhh noo)
we are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring us down (ohhh noo)
So don't you bring me down today

Yeaah eeeeeeee yeaahh eah Dont you bring me down mmmm, today

Watch out, the gays are coming!

2010-06-08T18:20:00.001-06:00

I have had a little difficulty putting up posts lately, Blondie and I have been very busy with cleaning house and getting new flooring done. I had an interesting, yet very minor, conversation with one of my coworkers today that was kind of funny.

This past weekend was Gay Pride 2010 in Salt Lake City, Utah. Gay people from all around come to have a celebration with a parade and other various festivities. I was chatting with one of my coworkers and made a joke about him participating in the parade. He is very much Mormon, so I was curious about what his reactions would be. He said, “Oh, those poor people!” I asked, “Why are they poor?” He answered, “They can do their own thing, but don’t push it on me! I don’t want anything to do with them.” I responded, “Well, make sure you return the favor and don’t push your views on them.” He basically did not have a response for that. One of the other guys listening in piped up, “That’s a good idea.”

This little exchange just brings up doubts and questions about Christians, religious people, and gays. Why do Christians, especially Mormons, have such a problem with gay people? This was the issue that sparked it all for me; the church’s involvement in passing Proposition 8. I am troubled by the idea that a church teaches its members to dislike gay people so much. Maybe it is not a direct doctrine or teaching, but I sure can see the results of how Mormons react to gay people. Can’t we all just get along without religions having to push their anti-gay teachings on us?

My 10 Favorite Things

2010-05-30T21:00:00.004-06:00

Well, I have been challenged by C.L. Hanson to come up with a 10 favorite things list. I will see what I can put together. These items are not in any particular order of more favorite or less favorite.

1. As with everyone else, my top favorite item is my family. My wife, son, and daughter just do it for me. I love being home with them. Life is just more fun when you can be with your family doing fun things.
2. Mountain biking. Blondie and I have enjoyed mountain biking for quite a few years now. My school is now finished and I am hoping to travel less, which I am hoping will lead us back to biking like we used to, almost every weekend.
3. Trains. I do not quite geek out about trains like some other train nerds, but I do enjoy them. I have photographed many trains; one of my favorite subjects. Recently, my son started getting into model trains. I have had some great times with him as we run his trains around his layout and just enjoy each other’s company. Yeah, trains are cool.
4. Photography. I have enjoyed taking pictures ever since high school. I took a 35 mm SLR camera on my mission and loved it. My camera was completely manual, which meant I learned a lot since it was completely up to me to take a good picture. Today, I have an awesome Nikon D300 DSLR, which is one of the big digital cameras that do everything. Even with all that, I still struggle with my confidence in taking a good picture. Gotta keep at it.
5. Punk Rock. Thanks to the Punk Rock movement of the 70s, we now have some kick ass music today. The Sex Pistols, The Clash, The Damned, and The Ramones along with other bands led the way in changing music forever. No longer did we have to listen to shitty Top 40 music, a band could get on stage with a big Fuck You! and play the music they wanted to play. I support that.
6. My favorite bands. In relation to #5, here is a list of some of my favorite bands. David Bowie, The Cure, Muse, Blue October, Green Day, Blink 182, Angels and Airwaves, Oingo Boingo, Depeche Mode, The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, Adam and the Ants, Morrissey, Garbage, Love and Rockets. There are many more, but you get the idea. Just for good measure, Country music can kiss my ass! Country music is popular because it appeals to the lowest common denominator. (Probably just lost some readers with that statement.)
7. Cool cars. I would not consider myself a car guy or gear head, but I do enjoy nice cars. I had the recent opportunity to take a 2009 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 out for a drive. This was an absolute amazing driving experience. I also like the Aston Martin DBS; that car is pure pornography. The Audi S5 is another cool car with beautiful styling. One of these days, I will have a nice car.
8. Computers and the Internet. I have basically focused my entire working career into the Information Technology arena, so I would consider it one my favorite things. The Internet is just cool. I can find out anything I want just by doing a search; no need to go to the library and search through books. Instead of praying and hoping for a spiritual answer, I can just pray to Google. I get all of my answers there now.
9. Mountains. I live in Utah for a reason, the landscape. I love being surrounded by mountains. Blondie and I will head up a trail and just play in the mountains either on a hike or riding our bikes. I get really bored in flat country; I need variety.
10. Cool haircuts. I really do not like boring hair. I am 39 years old with the sides and back of my head shorn very short. The top of my head has spikey hair that stands straight up. There is a reason why I call myself That Guy with the Hair. I stand out and people definitely notice me. I also like seeing unique hairstyles on other people. I love seeing a girl that has red, blue, or purple hair with a unique cut. The guy with the mohawk? That is just kick ass. Yes, I like cool hair.

Well I guess that does it. A fun challenge indeed. Since I do not have many readers, I will just encourage whoever wants to make their own list.

Wild Bill and the underwear scandal

2010-05-25T19:29:00.004-06:00

Just after 2 am this morning, I received a phone call from one of my work friends (we’ll call him Wild Bill, not his real name, and not necessarily a wild guy, but you get the idea), he was feeling pretty sick. One of my first thoughts was, "I hope he doesn't ask me to perform a priesthood blessing." Years of religious teachings are hard to get away from.

Shortly after this call, I answered my door and he was not looking too good. He needed the keys to the car so he could go to the hospital. I asked if he wanted me to go with him, but he said he could drive himself. I programmed my GPS for the nearest hospital and handed it to him and wished him luck. As I closed the door, I turned only to notice that I had forgotten to give him the keys to the car. I grabbed them and opened the door; unfortunately, Wild Bill had already rounded the corner of the hallway. I called for him and as he came back around the corner, I heard the door to my hotel room shut and lock behind me with me standing in the hallway in nothing but my t-shirt and underwear. That was just great; let me tell you how I got to this point.

I first met Wild Bill just a few months back this year. He was a new hire and had come out on one of our installs. One of my other buddies and I went to dinner with Wild Bill and I soon found out that I liked this guy. Well, as we all know, I am in the process of leaving the Mormon (LDS) church. Wild Bill is a very strong member and is quite happy in the church; an interesting dynamic for sure. Since our first meeting, we have seen each other in the office and had some fun conversations. One of these included his participating in a church disciplinary council. He is the Executive Secretary of the bishopric in his ward and they asked him to attend. I think he took notes or something. It was very interesting to see his perspective of how everything was handled for the guy that the disciplinary council was for.

Anyway, just last week, Wild Bill and I ended up on another install together. It was a large install with many installers, but I was pretty sure that Wild Bill and I could end up having dinner together. As it turned out, we were able to have dinner on our own; yep, just a cute man couple out on a date. We had a great conversation and got to know each other better. I ordered a beer while we were there; I think I was mostly curious as to what his reaction might be. As it turned out, he did not react at all.

After hearing each others’ stories about how we met and married our wives, our conversation got much more interesting. He asked me about how I had got to where I was with the church and all. I thought to myself, “Well, this is going to be interesting to see how this turns out.” I told him my story about my parents, my dad’s conversion, and how I was raised in the church. I told him about my questions and finding the answers I was looking for. I was careful with the details of the church information because I did not want to offend him.

After I told him my story, I asked him what he thought. He said that he was fine and still wanted to be my friend. He also said that he has other friends that are in situations similar to mine and he is not here to judge. I found it very refreshing to have a devoted member of the church willing to accept me as a friend even though I am considered an apostate. I really like this guy.

Well, back to me standing in the hallway in just my underwear. Wild Bill asked, “Did you just get locked out of your room?” I said, “Yep, I sure did.” Well, I had no choice but to walk down from the second floor to the hotel desk on the first floor. Fortunately, since it was 2 am in the morning, no one was out and about. I went up to the desk and asked the desk guy for a room key. He asked me a few questions about who I was and what room I was in. He then asked, “Do you have any ID on you?” I looked at him in disbelief, “Uh, no.” Wild Bill was still with me and vouched for who I was. Well, after all that, I wished him well on his way to the hospital and I walked back to my room and went sleep again.

Sadly for Wild Bill, he is still not feeling too well today. He may end up going home tomorrow. I hope he gets to feeling better. The hospital said he might have some strong allergies or something. He is just having trouble breathing and getting energy.

You know, there is nothing quite like getting locked out of your room in nothing but your underwear. You have to suck up your pride and make the walk. Ha ha, good times.

Garbage, Not My Idea

2010-05-21T11:30:00.002-06:00

For those people that know me and for those that are getting to know me on Facebook, I do not post the standard status updates on Facebook. How many times can we see that someone likes or dislikes the weather? Your kid smiled at you today? Well that is just great. I like to do things a little differently by using lyrics from songs quite often, although, I will post a regular status update in the mix also.

Last Sunday, I had to work a 12-hour day for my job out at a client’s location. It was long, a bit frustrating, and I was definitely ready for it to end. As a Facebook status, I posted lyrics from the song Not My Idea by Garbage. Some of you may not know who Garbage is. They are an alternative band that produced some great music during the 90s. They are still around, but are not as popular anymore.

Anyway, here are the lyrics that I posted on Facebook…

I bit my tongue and stood in line
with not much to believe in.
I bought into what I was sold
and ended up with nothing.

This is not my idea of a good time.
This is not my idea of a good time.
This is not my idea of a good time.
This is not my idea!

The funny thing is that I believe many people that know about me and my leaving the church thought that this was about church. My sister in law’s husband even posted a question wondering what I had bought into and got nothing. My sister in law is one of the family members that have joined Blondie and me in our disbelief in the church. Her husband still believes, so I think he wanted to see what I would say. I responded about my 12-hour day and everyone had a chuckle.

My sister in law had posted a comment of “Too fitting”; from her response, it looked like she thought I was talking about the church. I sent her a personal message indicating my suspicion and she replied that she did think that I was talking about the church. She was happy that I indicated that it was about work since it bothered her husband.

Well, with all of that aside, this song is a very appropriate song that can be viewed as a statement about how I feel about the church. Here are the lyrics to the entire song…

I bit my tongue and stood in line
With not much to believe in
I bought into what I was sold
And ended up with nothing

This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea

You thought that I would never see
What was meant for you was meant for me
I was distracted at the time
Forget about yours now what about mine

This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea

You thought I was a little girl
You thought I was a little mouse
You thought you'd take me by surprise
Now I'm here burning down your house

This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea.

So, for anyone that can relate to this song, this can be a new anthem for you. Listen to the song and these lyrics will really start to stick in your head. Now that I mention it, many Garbage songs have some cool lyrics. I think I’ll be posting a few of their songs here.

This is a really cool video created by a fan on YouTube.

Now I’m here burning down your house!
This is not my idea of a good time
This is not my idea!

Solidarity for Urban Koda

2010-05-18T19:58:00.007-06:00

This post is to show my support of Urban Koda and his Koda Think Tank blog.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not the one and only true church on this earth. The LDS church is just another man-made church just like all the rest of them. The "prophet" and leaders of the church are just old men doing what they think is right. Joseph Smith was a fraud and Brigham Young was the scum of the earth.

Urban Koda, I stand with you. I know that you are a good man and are doing what you think is best for you and your family.

I refuse to pay any money to the LDS church, nor will I follow its teachings. Alright LDS Church police, I have laid down the gauntlet. Bring it on!

Tattoo!!.........ouch.

2010-05-11T10:43:00.005-06:00

Blondie and I got our tattoos last night. It was a fun experience and we highly recommend Painted Temple Tattoo in Provo, Utah. Mike did our tattoos and did a quality job. Yes, it did sting a bit, but nothing too unbearable. I really like how he did the yin yang with the tribal design on me. I like the Eastern philosophies such as Taoism and Buddhism. Blondie's butterfly is spectacular, the colors look so cool. Blondie and I are already planning on when we want to get our next ones. Good times.

Baptismal services and hymn

2010-05-10T12:58:00.003-06:00

This past Saturday, Blondie and I went to some family baptisms. We found it very interesting to witness this important church event from a different perspective. One of the biggest things that I noticed was just how young these 8-year-old children are when being baptized. Do they really know what is going on? To me it looked they were just excited to be there and do what their parents had encouraged them to do since they were a baby. I am curious how many 8-year-old children actually approach their mom and dad and tell them that they do not want to be baptized. I have faint memories of my baptism; the pictures always help. Do you remember your interview with the bishop to see if you were worthy to be baptized? I know I sure don’t.

While we were in the chapel for the services, I thumbed through the hymnbook to see if I could find any interesting hymn that caught my eye. Sure enough, I found hymn # 240 Know This, That Every Soul Is Free. Here is a link to the song and here are the lyrics.

1. Know this that ev'ry soul is free,
To choose his life and what he'll be;
For this eternal truth is given,
That God will force no man to heaven.

2. He'll call, persuade direct a-right,
And bless with wisdom, love, and light;
In nameless ways be good and kind;
But never force the human mind.

3. Freedom and reason make us men:
Take these away, what are we then?
Mere animals, and just as well,
The beasts may think of heaven or hell.

4. May we no more our powers abuse,
But ways of truth and goodness choose;
Our God is pleased when we improve
His grace, and seek his perfect love.

5. It's my free will for to believe:
'Tis God's free will me to receive:
To stubborn willers this I'll tell,
It's all free grace, and all free will.

6. Those that despise, grow harder still;
Those that adhere, he turns their will:
And thus despisers sink to hell,
While those that hear in glory dwell.

7. But if we take the downward road,
And make in hell our last abode;
Our God is clear, and we shall know,
We've plunged ourselves in endless wo.

An interesting song indeed, it was written in 1805 and added to the hymnbook in 1835. Have you ever sung this one in sacrament? The official hymnbook only has the first four verses. Of course, the song ends with those people going to hell who do not choose God correctly. I find verses one and four interesting since it mentions that people are free to choose and powers should not be abused. Looking at the history of the church, I would say that some of that power has been abused.

Road biking lunacy

2010-05-05T18:03:00.002-06:00

Okay, I need to bitch for a moment. Let me preface this by saying that Blondie and I are avid bike riders. We focus mainly on mountain biking since we feel it is a little safer than road biking, but we did pick up road bikes a couple of years ago and we do some road biking also.

Now, onto the matter at hand. As I was driving home this evening, I turned onto a narrow two-lane road that had a fair amount of traffic on it. Two road cyclists were up ahead and I was noticing that the vehicles had to swerve a large distance out and away from the cyclists. As I approached them, I noticed that instead of riding single file and giving room to the vehicles, they were riding side by side and chatting with each other! What the hell!?

Why do road cyclists do things like this? All too often, I have witnessed or heard about cyclists acting like they own the road, and we wonder why we hear about cyclists getting hit by cars. When Blondie and I go road riding, we always try to pick a route with less traffic and we always ride single file. The only time that we ride side by side is when we are on a lonely country road with no traffic at all. I don’t understand why cyclists feel like they can do these things and then complain that vehicles don’t give them enough space or right of way. Please be more careful when riding your bikes on the road and for safety’s sake, wear a helmet.

Alright, all done with my rant.

My dad's disturbing views on dating

2010-05-04T20:49:00.003-06:00

I only have one brother, no sisters, and no other siblings. My brother and I have always been good friends. He now lives in various locations because he is in the Air Force. I always like to keep in touch with him and we have good conversations. The other day, we had a chance to chat for a while and he brought up a situation that we had talked about before, but this time, it affected me more.

Our dad is a very interesting person. As I have said in a previous post, he is a convert to the church and very devout in his beliefs. One of the aspects about him that is not necessarily church related is his view of black people. When my brother and I were younger, he would in a teasing way, warn us about not dating any black girls. Now that my brother and I are grown with our own children, this has taken an interesting twist.

My brother told me about the time that our parents came out to visit him and his family last year. They had an enjoyable visit, but on the night before they were leaving, our dad gave my brother a very disturbing piece of advice. He said referring to my brother’s only daughter, “Don’t let her marry a black man.” My brother asked, “What would you do if she did marry a black man?” Our dad said, “I would disown her!” My brother was floored. He was seething and wanted to say something, but since it was the last day of our parents visiting him, he did not want them to leave on bad feelings.

This incident happened last July. My brother told me in our most recent conversation that this still bothers him and he considers this to be the worst thing our dad has ever said to him. He could not believe that our dad would actually disown his granddaughter based upon her choice of a spouse. Would he really choose race over her? The interesting aspect is that our dad said the same thing to Blondie and me later that same year. We responded with, “She can marry whoever she likes.” Since our relationship with my parents has been strained since Blondie and I told them our feelings about the church, they did not press the issue.

When my brother told me this story again, it really got me thinking about how we would react if our daughter ever did date a black boy. How would my parents react? With as strongly as I feel about my children and my wife, I believe that I would react pretty strongly if my dad were to say anything to our daughter or her boyfriend/fiancé. Our daughter is a beautiful girl that is free to date any boy regardless of race; Blondie and I have no problem with this. She is only 10, but we have already encouraged her to be accepting of anyone regardless of color. If she wants to date a boy of a different race, that is fine with us. I hope down the road, that my dad will not butt in with his outdated opinions regarding interracial dating and marriage. I really want to view my dad in the best light, but statements like this are very troubling.

Why the LDS church is not true for me. - Ban on Blacks and the priesthood

2010-04-28T20:06:00.007-06:00

Have you ever wondered why black men could not hold the priesthood until 1978? I was 7 years old in 1978 when the Official Declaration #2 was released, so I did not know much about it or even remember the huge change in the church. My entire life, I have been a good church going member up until the end of 2008. The ban on blacks holding the priesthood was always one of those weird things from the church’s history that I knew little about.

For the past couple of years, I have researched the history of the church and the ban on blacks holding the priesthood is very troubling to me. My #1 issue with the church is polygamy; the priesthood ban for the blacks is my #2 issue.

Many members will refer to the Book of Abraham as one of the scriptural reasons for the priesthood ban on black men. The Book of Abraham has some significant issues since some of the Egyptian scrolls that Joseph Smith used to “translate” into the Book of Abraham were recovered in 1967 and presented to the church. Modern Egyptologists have had the opportunity to translate the scrolls and they have all agreed that the scrolls have nothing to do with the words written in the Book of Abraham. So, is the Book of Abraham a legitimate reason to place the priesthood ban on the blacks?

Amazingly enough, a black man by the name of Elijah Abel was ordained into the priesthood while Joseph Smith was still the “prophet” of the church. Joseph Smith actually was very accepting of black people into the church. The trouble starts with Bloody Brigham, oh I mean Brigham Young.

After Joseph Smith was killed, Brigham Young did not allow Elijah Abel, who had already been ordained into the priesthood, to receive his endowment in the Nauvoo Temple. The statements that Brigham Young said about black people are just appalling. Here is an example.

"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so." (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, Volume 10, page 110.)

This quote from Brigham Young just sickens me! This was his response when he was asked about interracial marriage. Now I ask you, have you ever witnessed a white man die when he marries a black woman and has mixed race children? There is a family in my neighborhood that is a mixed race family. They are both very faithful members and are doing just fine.

In 1848, after the Mormons came to Utah, Brigham Young released the official declaration that prohibited all black men from holding the priesthood. This also included prohibiting any black members of the church from entering the temples. This is where the problem truly started; Brigham Young was a racist.

Since Brigham Young, various “prophets” and church leaders gave their explanations for the priesthood ban on blacks. One of the explanations that really bothers me is the idea that black people were less valiant in the preexistence and because of this, they were born black. How do you tell a young black boy or girl that they are black because they were not as good in the preexistence as the white boy or girl down the street? How does a person actually control what family or race they are born into?

Here are a couple of other gems from two “prophets” after Brigham Young.

John Taylor, 3rd President of the Church
"And after the flood we are told that the curse that had been pronounced upon Cain was continued through Ham's wife, as he had married a wife of that seed. And why did it pass through the flood? because it was necessary that the devil should have a representation upon the earth as well as God;..." Journal of Discourses, Vol. 22, page 304

Wilford Woodruff, 4th President of the Church
"And if any man mingle his seed with the seed of Cain the only way he could get rid of it or have Salvation would be to come forward and have his head cut off and spill his blood upon the ground- it would also take the life of his children."
(Wilford Woodruff Journal)

Thanks to MormonThink for this great information.

There is so much more I could say, but then this post would even be longer than it already is. The Book of Mormon is a whole other story about people having their skin turned dark because of unrighteousness. The modern leaders of the church should have known better. Regardless of the general view of black people throughout the 1800s and the 1900s, the church and its leaders should have been above all this since they are receiving the inspirations and counsels from God. Today, the church says that everything is good and that we should not focus on the past. The problem is that the history of the church is an embarrassment when issues like this come up. As much as the church wants to whitewash history and make everything look rosy, these problematic issues will not go away.

Public Image Ltd. (PiL)

2010-04-24T17:57:00.000-06:00

Last night, Blondie and I went to see Public Image Ltd. aka PiL. Let’s talk a little about who this band is. Remember that punk band way back in the 70s called The Sex Pistols? The lead singer of that band was Johnny Rotten. Johnny Rotten’s real name is John Lydon and when The Sex Pistols imploded in 1977, John Lydon formed his new band Public Image Ltd. in 1978. PiL was popular in the New Wave/Alternative music of the 80s.

PiL stopped performing back in the early 90s. Well, after an 18-year hiatus, they have decided to start touring again. Since I have never seen them live, I really wanted to go. It was a fun show, John Lydon is 57, but he still puts on a fun show. We had a great time watching them; Blondie and I had some drinks and fun was had by all.

I use the moniker of That guy with the hair, but John Lydon is definitely that guy. My hairstyle is similar, but his hair is what I would do if the corporate world would allow it.

My favorite song from them is Rise. Here is a link to their music video from the 80s.

PiL Rise

Here are the lyrics. I find them very meaningful. “I could be wrong, I could be right. I could be black, I could be white.” Then the perfect chant at the end of the song, “Anger is an energy!”

I could be wrong I could be right
I could be wrong I could be right
I could be wrong I could be right
I could be black I could be white
I could be black I could be white
I could be white I could be black

Your time has come your second skin
The cost so high the gain so low
Walk through the valley
The written word is a lie

May the road rise with you
May the road rise with you
May the road rise with you

I could be wrong I could be right
I could be wrong I could be right
I could be black I could be white
I could be right I could be wrong
I could be black I could be white

They put a hot wire to my head
Cos of the things I did and said
And made these feelings go away
Model citizen in every way

Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy

I could be wrong I could be right
I could be wrong I could be right
I could be wrong I could be right
I could be black I could be white
I could be right I could be wrong
I could be black I could be white

Your time has come your second skin
Cost so high the gain so low
Walk through the valley
The written word is a lie

I could be wrong I could be right
Could be wrong -
They put a hot wire to my head
Cos of the things I did and said
A model citizen in every way
Your time has come your second skin
Cost so high the gain so low

Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy

I could be wrong I could be right
I could be wrong I could be right
I could be wrong I could be right
I could be black I could be white
I could be right I could be wrong
I could be black I could be white

Your time has come your second skin
Cost so high the gain so low
Walk through the valley
The written word is a lie

I could be wrong I could be right
Could be wrong -
The put a hot wire to my head
Cos of the things I did and said
A model citizen in every way
Your time has come your second skin
Cost so high the gain so low

Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy!

Tattoo update

2010-04-21T18:08:00.003-06:00

So here is a tattoo update. This Saturday, my wife (I will now call her Blondie) and I are going for a tattoo consultation. We are going to Painted Temple Tattoo in Provo, Utah. Isn't that a great name? A freaking tattoo shop in Provo, Utah called Painted Temple. I wonder if it is in the shadow of the Provo Temple, that would be fucking cool.

So anyway. We are going there this Saturday to consult with the tattoo artists on what we want to get. I have decided on a yin yang tribal design and Blondie wants a butterfly. We will most likely need to schedule for a future date to actually get the ink done. I am excited and nervous at the same time; I have never had a tattoo done. I know that it will hurt, but I am excited for the outcome. More tattoo updates to come.

Time to get a tattoo

2010-04-16T17:18:00.001-06:00

I have been thinking about getting a tattoo lately. Since I was raised in the church, getting a tattoo has always been frowned upon and very discouraged. Now that I am not following the counsels of the church, I have decided to get a tattoo.

At first, I was thinking big, but now I have decided on something smaller. I would like to do circular type design with my kids' and wife's names around it. It will look nice.

As for the bigger tattoo, I want to do a Phoenix, the mythological firebird that rises from the ashes. It is meaningful to me because it represents a reawakening or rebirth in my life. I have certainly had my eyes opened in regard to religion and life in general.

Here are some examples of tattoos that I have been looking at.

The tattoo on that guy's back is huge. I don't want to do one quite that big although I do like the design. I think my favorite is the first bluish shoulder one. I like the design of the bird and how it looks on his shoulder. I am planning on doing something similar to that.

What do you think?

Why do I remain anonymous?

2010-04-13T21:31:00.002-06:00

I have found that using the name of That guy with the hair is a cumbersome name for others to refer to me. I am a David Bowie fan, I have used his lyrics on my blog, so I have decided to use the nickname of Bowie. aka That guy with the hair.

So who am I? Well unfortunately, I do not feel comfortable in sharing my true identity on my blog. Call me a wuss if you want. Let me explain why.

I live in the Salt Lake City, Utah area. I have lived most of my life there. I was raised as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Mormons. My parents are very strong members and I have been a true believer all my life. I went on a mission to Massachusetts and also married my wife in the Salt Lake Temple.

My wife and I have been dedicated to the Church all our lives. Only recently have we found information that has become very troubling to us. We have found our blogs very therapeutic in expressing our feelings about the changes in our lives.

Do I like the idea that the church I believed in my entire life has turned out not to be everything that I thought it was? No, not really. Instead of having truths easily delivered to me without having to think much about it, I now have to figure things out for myself. There are pros and cons to this, but I prefer choosing for myself how to live my life instead of having it dictated to me.

Since the Church prohibits any member from making negative comments about its leaders or condemning any Church practices in a public forum, I prefer to remain anonymous in order to avoid the repercussions. Recently, I have been a little tough on the Church. I think I'll lighten up a little for now, but sometimes it seems too easy to get upset about various things that happen in the Church.

My new friend Maureen from Australia has had a tough time for the last little while. Maureen, I just want to let you know that you are not alone. There are many members of the Church going through the same thing that you are going through. I am happy that I found your blog and can now offer support. I feel like we have common objections to Church history and policy. You have gone a step further than I by having your name removed; something very difficult to do. I have still felt hesitant to do this since many emotions and family members would be affected. Stay strong; my wife and I are here as your friends.

Malcolm McLaren R.I.P. 4/8/10

2010-04-11T18:48:00.003-06:00

Let's talk about music today. Last week Malcolm McLaren died from cancer. Now you may ask, "Who the hell is Malcolm McLaren?"

Well, Malcolm McLaren is one of the pioneers of the punk rock movement as a band manager. He formed and managed the Sex Pistols in 1976 and brought them into notoriety with all of their antics. McLaren forced the rest of the world to deal with punk rock and its message whether the world was ready for it or not.

Here is example of his work. This is the Sex Pistols performing Anarchy in the UK and God Save the Queen. Because of McLaren, the Sex Pistols became one of the most notorious bands in rock an roll history.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQkActP-isE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeP220xx7Bs&feature=PlayList&p=0189022BE77C5451&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=2

Another artist that McLaren managed was Adam and the Ants; a punk rock type of band that approached music with a unique flair.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT27A6Sa10k&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPgHbt0ODr4&feature=related

Another band also managed by McLaren was Bow Wow Wow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMICD3aMZpw

Because of Malcolm McLaren's influence on music, the music industry changed and became what it is today. From these early punk and new wave bands, we now have bands today like Green Day, Muse, Blue October, and Blink 182.

Thank you Malcolm for your influence and such memorable bands, I love this music.

The Nauvoo and Carthage Experience

2010-04-10T20:04:00.004-06:00

Okay, I'll just get this out of the way at the beginning. Holy Crap, this is some fucked up shit! Okay, now I feel better. lol. This is a very long post, sorry.

Alright, today I went to Carthage Jail and Nauvoo, Illinois. These are holy places for Mormons. Joseph Smith created a Zion town with Nauvoo and the temple. He was also shot to death in Carthage Jail. Every Mormon knows about these places. Since I had the opportunity, I needed to see them again. I saw them when I was a kid, but that is not quite the same.

I first went to Carthage Jail. I took the tour just like anyone else would. They showed a 20 minute video that portrayed all of the great things that Joseph Smith did. I then had a missionary guide walk me through the jail. I was lucky in that I was the only one in his tour. It was nice to have a one on one tour session. After he finished with his presentation in the room that Joseph Smith was killed in, I took some pictures and also had him take a picture of me. Good stuff. I then decided to ask him a direct question about the events that happened in the jail room before Joseph was shot. I asked, "I think I read somewhere that Joseph Smith had some wine brought up to them and they drank it because they were feeling down and out. Did this happen?" He replied with a disturbed look on his face, "No, that did not happen. The Word of Wisdom was in effect and Joseph did not drink at that time."

Okay, now first off, that is complete bullshit. I have the full seven volume set of The History of the Church with Joseph Smith as the author and B.H. Roberts as the compiler. If you have this set, go look at volume 6 page 616. “Before the jailor came in, his boy brought in some water, and said the guard wanted some wine. Joseph gave Dr. Richards two dollars to give the guard; but the guard said one was enough, and would take no more. “The guard immediately sent for a bottle of wine, pipes, and two small papers of tobacco; and one of the guards brought them into the jail soon after the jailor went out. Dr. Richards uncorked the bottle, and presented a glass to Joseph, who tasted, as brother and the Doctor, and the bottle was then given to the guard, who turned to go out.” (History of the Church, Vol. 6, page 616)

Here is another from volume 7 page 101. "Sometime after dinner we sent for some wine. It has been reported by some that this was taken as a sacrament. It was no such thing,; our spirits were generally dull and heavy, and it was sent for to revive us.... I believe we all drank of the wine, and gave some to one or two of the prison guards." (John Taylor, in History of the Church, Vol. 7, page 101)

I have some pretty strong empirical proof from the Church's own official history that Joseph Smith did drink wine before getting shot. Either this missionary was lying to me or he is ignorant of his own church's history.

Well, after that disappointment, I went to Nauvoo; a very interesting place. You can drive through the historic city and walk through the various buildings. The missionaries there are all dressed up like early Mormon pioneers with their pioneer dresses and such. I went through various buildings and then I went through the Brigham Young house; I asked the sister missionary if Brigham Young practiced polygamy. She said that she thought that he did. I also asked about Joseph Smith. She wasn't sure, but she thought that he did too. I found this answer to be quite common. All the missionaries wanted to downplay polygamy and they did not seem to know much about it.

I went to the visitor's center and actually sat down a senior missionary with some questions. I pretended to be a non-member because I wanted to see how he would answer. He told me about Joseph Smith, the BoM, and the Saints in Nauvoo. I asked him about how the BoM was translated. I asked, "I think I read somewhere that Joseph Smith translated the BoM by putting stones into his hat then placing his face in the hat to read the stones. Did he do it like that?" He answered, "I have never heard about him translating the BoM like that. He did not do it that way. He used the breastplate and Urimm and Thummim."

Once again, complete bullshit. We can turn to the Church's own website for this one. http://lds.org/ldsorg/lds_servlet/EmailArticleProcess?action=view&cmlId=662691&locale=0&emId=977329583

Take a look at the statement by David Whitmer. I also have the book, Joseph Smith Rough Stone Rolling written by Richard Lyman Bushman that gives Joseph Knight as a witness of Joseph Smith translating with his head in a hat on page 72. This is a book that you can buy at Deseret Book, very much a Mormon approved book.

This missionary also told me that the Nauvoo Council destroyed the Nauvoo Expositor printing press because it was printing lies and false claims about the Church and Joseph Smith. Well, if you get the opportunity to read the one and only issue before destruction, it is William Law telling the world that Joseph Smith was practicing polygamy. Joseph Smith didn't like that too much and decided that the press needed to be destroyed. Ever heard of freedom of the press?

Well, after meeting with such disappointment from the Mormon missionaries, I went to the section of Nauvoo owned by the Community of Christ. This is the church that used to be called the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They own all of the Joseph Smith properties since Emma Smith did not follow Brigham Young and the Mormons. She stayed in Nauvoo and lived there until she died.

Let me say how refreshing it was to talk to these people! They were open and honest. They openly admitted that Joseph Smith practiced polygamy. They don't agree with it and also think that he may have wanted to stop practicing polygamy. They did not shoot me down for asking uncomfortable questions. They realize that Joseph Smith has some issues. They also openly admitted that both Joseph and Emma drank coffee and tea. I enjoyed visiting with them so much more than with the Mormons. I did not feel like they were covering things up and white washing history.

Before I left, I went up to the new Nauvoo Temple. I walked around it and took some pictures. There was a young couple up there doing wedding photos. Standard stuff for young Mormon couples.

From my experience today, I came away very troubled with the Church. They are white washing and covering up history. They romanticize the history of the Church and Joseph Smith with their rose colored glasses. Joseph Smith could do no wrong; he was the innocent martyr. Polygamy? What polygamy? We don't really know about that. Head in a hat, what?

How can this church do this and still claim to be the one and only true church on the earth? Historical accuracy is not their strong point.

Headed to Nauvoo and Carthage

2010-04-08T19:41:00.001-06:00

This week, I am in a region of Illinois that is within driving distance of Nauvoo and Carthage. This Saturday after I am finished with work, I plan to drive over there and check everything out. I guess you could consider this Mecca for a Mormon. I expect that this will be a very interesting experience. I have heard from family members about the endless testimony bearing and asking for names of people that might be interested. Sounds pretty desperate to me.

I am planning on asking some questions to the various missionary hosts. I want to see what they will say or how they will react. Where did all of those plural wives of Joseph Smith stay after they married him in Nauvoo? Did Joseph Smith really drink a bottle of wine in Carthage Jail before getting shot to death? I'll be curious to see what they say.

This past conference weekend, my wife and I decided to go down to Temple Square and watch all the activities. I knew the wacky anti-Mormons would be there and I wanted to see what they would do. Unfortunately, they were a disappointment. The signs they had displayed really did not make any sense. As the members came out of the Conference Center, they read the signs and just chuckled. Obviously, the signs were not very effective. Instead of having stupid signs with weird claims of the Mormon church supporting abortion, why not have something that addresses real things such as polygamy and the denial of blacks in the priesthood? Oh well.

As we stood around and watched, my wife and I noticed how the members were looking at me. My non-church friendly hair style and spikey earrings did not go over too well. The members would look at me and then have a look of distrust or caution after viewing my appearance. It was the same for me as we walked into the Church Library. Distrusting looks and negative reactions. I am definitely not one of them and I like it that way. I will have fun seeing what reactions I get in Nauvoo and Carthage.

Angels and Airwaves - Heaven

2010-03-13T22:26:00.001-07:00

I will just say it right from the start, Angels and Airwaves are the fucking bomb! They make some of the coolest and meaningful songs. Tom Delonge really puts a lot of thought into his lyrics. The song Heaven always makes me think of my wife. I love her so much! It seems like I am always out of town and I miss her a lot. When I listen to this song, I always get choked up thinking about her.

Listen to this song and read the lyrics. Just plain greatness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_KwgEKGjd8

Open the link in a separate tab and read lyrics.

I will run the streets and hostile lands
I will touch the rain with all I have
I will breathe the air, to scream it loud
My feet will never touch the ground
Because the days they feel like ancient clocks
Like when kids grow up and learn to walk
Because your life is full of pure desire
A place so gloriously wired

With lights and sounds
Oh God this is such a mess
And it's like our world
But we're the last ones left
And the hair it stands
On the back of our necks
And I swear it shows
Heaven must be just like this

Do you see the hills beneath the clouds?
With stars as trails to lead you out
Can you sense the pain? It's everywhere
And if you try you'll never care
And the love you had
When you were young
Is right outside for all to come
Because your life is full of pure desire
A life so gloriously wired

With lights and sounds
Oh God this is such a mess
And it's like our world
But we're the last ones left
And the hair it stands
On the back of our necks
And I swear it shows
Heaven must be just like this

If you see the light break through the clouds
And fire up the distant towers
Where the world will begin
Exactly how it ends
When you call for help when you are lost
Forever more at whatever cost
And the world will begin
Exactly how it ends

Please stay
Don't go
I got you now
Are you curious?

Please stay
Don't go
I got you now
Are you curious?

Please stay
Don't go
I got you now
Are you curious?

Please stay
Don't go
I got you now
Are you curious?

Please stay
Don't go
I got you now
Are you curious?

Please stay
Don't go
I got you now
Are you curious?

Please stay
Don't go
I got you now
Here I am

Such a great song. I love you sweetie.

Why the LDS Church is not true for me. - Polygamy -

2010-03-09T22:08:00.002-07:00

I am going to post various reasons why The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not true for me. There are many reasons. For this post I am going to focus on polygamy.

I do not feel the need to bring up every reference to back up my claims. There have been plenty of other people that have done that. Just take a look at FARMS and MormonThink. Lots of material to review at those two sites.

Okay, on to the subject at hand, polygamy. The entire time that I have been raised in the church, polygamy was mentioned, but very downplayed. Polygamy was necessary to help all of the widows in the church. Joseph Smith was never mentioned in regard to polygamy. While I was on my mission, I always received the question of how many wives I had. I thought it was funny and never put any thought into it.

Since I have investigated the church on my terms, I have found a whole new world about polygamy that I never knew about. Polygamy all started with Joseph Smith and he was very deceptive about it. He started marrying young teenage girls as young as 14. He also married women that were already married to other men. Now I ask you, how does this help the widows?

When a grown man in his 30's marries girls in their teens, that is just wrong; he is practically a pedophile! Marrying other men's wives has no practical or positive reason; it just baffles me. What is the point of that? From everything that I have learned about polygamy there is not one positive aspect about it. Not one. In today's world, Joseph Smith would be in jail just like Warren Jeffs.

I have been told by true believers that polygamy was necessary as part of the restoration. "Prophets" from the Old Testament practiced polygamy so that made it okay for Joseph Smith and the others to do it to. I don't think so. I don't give a fuck about what some looney "prophet" from the Old Testament did, that does not make it right to do now. Polygamy has never been legal in the United States. The entire time that the Mormons were practicing polygamy, they were breaking the law. Joseph Smith was lying when he wrote the 12th Article of Faith. Mormons at that time did not believe in "obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law." Joseph Smith did not feel like the laws of the land applied to him; he was living "God's law." Joseph Smith was above the laws of the land; if God told him to do something, he was justified in doing it even if it meant breaking the law.

Joseph Smith used the excuse that an angel with a flaming sword told him that he had to practice polygamy when he approached these girls asking them to marry him. Some of them were so brainwashed that they willingly accepted. Some of the girls refused and of course, Joseph Smith publicly humiliated them for not doing what he wanted.

Have you ever read Section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants? The church lessons alway focus on the first half of the section dealing with eternal marriage; they never read the verses from the latter half. Emma Smith is personally threatened with destruction if she does not follow Joseph Smith and allow him to practice polygamy. Men are told that they can marry as many "virgins" as they want. The interesting thing is that women are warned to only marry one man, yet Joseph Smith was marrying women that were already currently married. He was causing these women to break his own "commandments" given in Section 132.

The Book of Mormon even contradicts the Doctrine and Covenants. In the Book of Mormon, David and Solomon are condemned for their practice of polygamy. In the Doctrine and Covenants, David and Solomon are commended and said to have not transgressed the laws of God. So was God lying to one people and telling the others the truth? Since when does God contradict himself?

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Joseph Smith was not a prophet. He was a man that believed very strongly in what he was doing, so strongly that he convinced and coerced other people to do what he said even if it was wrong.

Again I ask, what is one positive outcome from the Mormons practicing polygamy?

My parents left

2010-03-09T21:11:00.001-07:00

Well last Saturday, my parents moved to another state. My dad's health has really been bothering him while living in Utah. The higher elevation and cold winters have really taken a toll on him lately. About a month ago, they took a vacation trip to one of the warmer states and while they were there, they found a house and decided that they wanted to live there.

Since they came back, they have been focused on getting ready to move. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, our relationship was not in the best of shape because of our earlier encounter. We met with them and smoothed things over as good as I can hope for now.

I came over the day before they were going to leave to help them pack the truck. I moved about five boxes into the truck and then they decided that they just wanted to visit. They had more people coming to help them move the next day. It was a nice visit. We talked about family, work, school, etc. No mention of the church was brought up. I gave them both a big hug and left.

It is still a little soon, but they are not close by anymore. My entire life, they have always been within driving distance, now they are not. I do not think it has quite sunk in for me just yet. I still wonder if part of the reason they moved away was because of me leaving the church and having a bad encounter with them about it. They told me that they are moving there for my dad's health, but I will alway wonder in the back of my mind if I might be part of the reason.

They called me the other day from their new home to let me know that they made it there okay. They are very happy to start a new life in the warmer climate. I think they are trying to make our relationship better; this makes me happy.

Out of this world

2010-02-26T10:42:00.003-07:00

This post is for my wife. This song is Out of this world by The Cure.

You know the drill, open the link in a new tab so you can read lyrics while listening to the song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S--lJsSyrLc

When we look back at it all as I know we will
You and me, wide eyed
I wonder...
Will we really remember how it feels to be this alive?

And I know we have to go
I realize we only get to stay so long
Always have to go back to real lives
Where we belong
Where we belong
Where we belong

When we think back to all this and I'm sure we will
Me and you, here and now
Will we forget the way it really is
Why it feels like this and how?

And we always have to go I realize
We always have to say goodbye
Always have to go back to real lives

But real lives are the reason why
We want to live another life
We want to feel another time
Another time...

Yeah another time

To feel another time...

When we look back at it all as I know we will
You and me, wide eyed
I wonder...
Will we really remember how it feels to be this alive?

And I know we have to go
I realize we always have to turn away
Always have to go back to real lives

But real lives are why we stay
For another dream
Another day
For another world
Another way
For another way...

One last time before it's over
One last time before the end
One last time before it's time to go again...

Love you sweetie.

More Love and Rockets

2010-02-25T20:38:00.001-07:00

Yes, more Love and Rockets, but this is my fucking blog and I can say whatever the fuck I want. I said "fuck" he he.

Here is the song. Open in a New Tab and listen while reading the lyrics. Ah, good times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hf5s3uWoJ9o

This is an announcement
For the transcendental run
The train now standing
Leaves for higher planes
Due to a derailment
There will be no other train
So why not hop on this one?
Hear the porter's glad refrain
Each carriage is connected
As is every single train
The rails all form a track
Which is a link within a chain
The chain's connected to another chain now
You will need no ticket
If you wish to ride on this train

All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini

The song is in your heart
Your heart is in the song
The song is of the earth
The song is of the sky
You are disintegrating
Into everything around
Reintegrating

The worm we dug from higher ground
You have let go of ego
Ego is no longer you
Closer to nirvana
Since the porters whistle blew

All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini

Music like this is just so cool. It makes me happy; something that I need during this time of my life.

Bound for Hell

2010-02-23T17:19:00.002-07:00

Listen up all you people that don't choose the one and only true church, this song is for you. This is a song by Love and Rockets called Bound for Hell. Read the lyrics while listening to this great song. Open the link in another tab so you can read the lyrics at the same time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPr9ZAr43gg

Well, faith flies off the mountain everyday
No parachute, and no crash to see
Yes, my faith flies off a mountain everyday
And there's no parachute, no goddamn crash to see
Fly the little monkey up a telegraph pole
Sending out a signal to somebody, somebody
Somebody, please somebody

I want to hear a song that makes me believe in something
I want to hear a song that makes me believe something
I want to hear a song that makes me believe
There's something to believe in
I want to hear a song that makes me believe

Had a dream...

I was riding on a train that wasn't bound for glory
Riding on a train, the train was bound for hell
Riding on a train that wasn't bound for glory, that's for sure
Riding on a train that's bound for hell

The engine with human blood was damp
The headlight was her brimstone lamp
And then for fuel I shoveled in bones
and the furnace roared with a thousand groans

The tank was filled with lager beer
The devil himself was engineer
The passengers were a mixed up crew
The churchman in his battered suit

The rich in broadcloth, poor in rags
Handsome girls, wrinkled hags
Black men, yellow, red and white
Chained together, fearful sight

The dream was storming at full pace
The sulfer fumes burned hands and face
Wilder and wilder the country grew
Faster and faster the engine flew

Loud and terrible thunder crashed
Whiter brighter lighing flash
Hotter still the air became
So clothes will burn from each shrinking frame

There came a fearfull ear-splitting yell...
Yell Satan: "dance, the next stop's hell"
Twas then the passengers shrieked with pain
And begged the devil to stop the train
Stop this train

He shrieked and roared, and grinned with glee
And mocked and laughed at their misery
"My friends you've bought your seats on this road,
I've got to get through with a complete load"

You've pulled in the weak, you've cheated the poor
You starving tramp, you turned from the door
You've up gold till your purses bust
You've give a beastly lust

You've mocked at god in your hellful pride
You've killed and you've cheated, and plundered and lied
You've come across men and you've swore and you've stole
Not a one in body and soul
Body and soul

So you've paid full fare and I'll carry you through
If there's one
And here's a time when I ain't no liar
A land that will save you, a land of fire
And your flesh will scorch in the flames that roar
You'll sizzle and burn from

And I awake with a thrilling cry
My were clothes were wet, my hair stood high
And I prayed as I've never until that hour
To be saved from hell and the devil's power

At present my vows were not in vain
That I payed no fare on that hellbound train

Just let this thought settle on your brain, he he.

I will never accept your lifestyle.

2010-02-22T19:32:00.005-07:00

"I will never accept your lifestyle." This was a sentence used by my dad in the last visit that we had on Saturday. My wife and I had made a special trip to their house trying to reconcile our relationship and try to make amends. Even after I apologized for talking to them disrespectfully, this is one of the points my dad made sure to emphasize to me.

You see, I am the horrible Apostate Son that no faithful mother and father in the Mormon church ever want to deal with. I am the one that ruins Eternal Families. I now receive statements such as, "We won't have you in the Eternities." or "We've loved you before you were born, loved you when we first saw you, and we will love you for the Eternities." Now that I have chosen a different path than the one and only true Mormon path, I have ruined it for everyone.

I was born and raised in the church. My mom also grew up in the church while my dad is a convert to the church. My dad is not just any 'ole convert, he is The Convert. He had a difficult life growing up in a family with no religious direction. He drank a lot and did not know what to do with himself. He joined the Air Force and discovered the church overseas. He came home and went on a mission and ever since has been 100% dedicated to the church.

I was raised in the environment that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the one and only true church. There is no questioning it, it just is. I was fine with this, I enjoyed going to church and doing the things that made my parents happy. I went on a mission because I felt like I wanted to and it is something that I should do. I married my wife in the Salt Lake Temple and my parents were very proud. We have been married for quite a few years now and living in the church is all that we have ever known until the summer of 2008.

It happened to us just like any other member that has had unanswered questions his or her entire life. We decided to find the answers and now our belief has disintegrated with the new knowledge we have gained.

Telling my parents was not pleasant and still is not pleasant to this day. Right at the end of 2009, they wanted me to come visit to go over some financial info. This meeting ended badly when they decided to start discussing church. It started with primary questions about the Book of Mormon and if I have really prayed with an open heart. The discussion progressively degenerated until I could no longer take the provokings that my dad kept throwing my way. I got upset and raised my voice/yelled at my dad. I did not call him names, but I told him very strongly that he was wrong, then I left.

For about a month and a half, my parents would not talk to me on the phone. We had email conversations, but that is all. This brings us to our last visit on Saturday. I needed to get something reconciled between us so that we could be on speaking terms again. I came and apologized for how I reacted, but I did not apologize for what I said; I felt justified in that.

After I said my peace, my dad decided that he still needed to take additional jabs at me. He told me that he never spoke to his parents like that. This has always been sacred territory for him; children should never address their parents in a disrespectful manner. He then proceeded to tell me how much he loved me. Then the clincher. He said, "I need to make something very clear to you. I will never accept your lifestyle. Never. I am a convert to this church and I will die believing."

My wife and I left shortly afterward and those words will not go away. Even when I am trying to make our relationship better, he still has to throw daggers at me. It will never be good enough. Even if I somehow lost my mind and decided to believe in the church again, he would still hold it against me that I disrespected him.

There is more to this story, but that will have to come later. It is late and I need to go to bed.

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

David Bowie, Changes

Welcome to my world

2010-02-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

I still don't know what I was waiting for. And my time was running wild. A million dead-end streets. Every time I thought I'd got it made. It seemed the taste was not so sweet. So I turned myself to face me. But I've never caught a glimpse. Of how the others must see the faker. I'm much too fast to take that test. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes(Turn and face the strain) Ch-ch-Changes. Don't want to be a richer man. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes(Turn and face the strain) Ch-ch-Changes. Just gonna have to be a different man. Time may change me. But I can't trace time.

David Bowie the Innovator.

This blog is for me. I'll be talking about parents, Mormonism, music, photography, etc. We'll see how this goes.