I called my dad the other day to see how he is doing. His health has been failing of late. His lungs are giving out on him and his oxygen levels have really started to drop to dangerous levels. I wanted to call and give him my support letting him know that I was thinking about him.
My relationship with my parents has been strained ever since I left the LDS church. I asked if he could do one thing for me. We would like to come down and visit with them in April for spring break so I asked if he could try to keep living until then. He has almost given up on life and he is beginning to think that he may not last much longer. My request was simple, just live.
My dad decided to take this opportunity to ask something of me also. He asked me to stop drinking coffee, drinking booze, getting tattoos, and come back to the church. As if these are the worst things that I could do. "Do you think you can do that for me?" he asked. I said, "I'll keep it under consideration." Wouldn't his request be better if he asked me to pray and try to gain a testimony? Kind of hard to want to stop doing those other "disdainful" activities if I do not have a testimony of Joseph Smith and the restored gospel. He then went on to bear his testimony to me for the millionth time along with how he has and always will love me.
I ask him to live and he asks me to change everything about me because it is not what he wants me to do. The integrity that he raised me with prevents me from doing what he wants. It is plain and simple. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not true. The LDS church is not a true church; it is a false church just like all the rest. The Christian god does not exist. There may be a "god" or "creator," but not like what the religions of this world describe. I cannot force myself to go back to church and pretend to believe in the bullshit again. I am a better man than that. Therefore, to answer my dad if I could again, "No, I will not be doing that, I have too much integrity. Can you just try to live for me? I am not asking much."