I have been feeling rather nihilist lately so I need to write about it. For those that may be unfamiliar with Nihilism, here is a nice definition from Wikipedia.
Nihilism (pronounced /ˈnaɪ.əlɪzəm/ or /ˈniː.əlɪzəm/; from the Latin nihil, nothing) is the philosophical doctrine suggesting the negation of one or more meaningful aspects of life. Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.
Since I have discovered all the issues about the Mormon Church, life has taken on a troubled meaning for me. I decided that the Mormon Church did not work for me, so I had my name removed. There, done with religion. Now what?
Lately, I have found happiness to be a little fleeting. On some days I feel okay and others days I feel a little down. I am sure all the TBM's would be the first to point out that the reason is because I rejected the "true gospel," but I do not feel that way. For my entire life, the church was always what I could depend on to look for meaning in life whether I liked it or not. Since stepping back and re-evaluating my choices in life, I simply do not agree with the philosophies of religions, especially Christian religions. I do not feel like a damage individual that requires saving through atonement.
So what is the point of life now? I wake up, go to work, come home, spend time with the family, then go to sleep only to repeat it all over again tomorrow. Sure, we have various distractions like family activities, vacations, family visits, biking, etc. Nevertheless, who cares? Does it even matter?
Feeling that nihilism? Yeah, that feels good.
Is there a god? I do not know for sure, maybe. Does he or she care about me? Possibly. What if there is no life after death? What if this is it? Is there a point to living? Sure, family members love me, but does it matter? If life ends here, what difference does it make whether I am here or not? Maybe this is why I cannot really call myself an atheist. I would say more agnostic. There might a god out there, it is possible, but who can know for sure?
One of the more interesting philosophers of nihilism is Friedrich Nietzsche. Here are a few interesting quotes from him.
There are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths.
What is it: is man only a blunder of God, or God only a blunder of man?
Better know nothing than half-know many things.
So why do I have difficulty finding lasting happiness? Is it because my former views of eternity are now so questionable? My relationship with my parents seems so unresolved. We cannot talk about anything of substance anymore because I do not think the same as they do anymore, just nice surface pleasantries now. I am sure that visiting with them after Christmas will be a fun experience. <<< Sarcasm, in case it was not obvious.
Yeah I know, quite a downer of a post. This is just how I am feeling at the moment and I needed to express it. I will work on being happier.
Is it always like this!?
And the sand
And the sea grows
I close my eyes
Move slowly through drowning waves
Going away on a strange day