Friday, February 26, 2010

Out of this world

This post is for my wife. This song is Out of this world by The Cure.

You know the drill, open the link in a new tab so you can read lyrics while listening to the song.

When we look back at it all as I know we will
You and me, wide eyed
I wonder...
Will we really remember how it feels to be this alive?

And I know we have to go
I realize we only get to stay so long
Always have to go back to real lives
Where we belong
Where we belong
Where we belong

When we think back to all this and I'm sure we will
Me and you, here and now
Will we forget the way it really is
Why it feels like this and how?

And we always have to go I realize
We always have to say goodbye
Always have to go back to real lives

But real lives are the reason why
We want to live another life
We want to feel another time
Another time...

Yeah another time

To feel another time...

When we look back at it all as I know we will
You and me, wide eyed
I wonder...
Will we really remember how it feels to be this alive?

And I know we have to go
I realize we always have to turn away
Always have to go back to real lives

But real lives are why we stay
For another dream
Another day
For another world
Another way
For another way...

One last time before it's over
One last time before the end
One last time before it's time to go again...

Love you sweetie.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

More Love and Rockets

Yes, more Love and Rockets, but this is my fucking blog and I can say whatever the fuck I want. I said "fuck" he he.

Here is the song. Open in a New Tab and listen while reading the lyrics. Ah, good times.

This is an announcement
For the transcendental run
The train now standing
Leaves for higher planes
Due to a derailment
There will be no other train
So why not hop on this one?
Hear the porter's glad refrain
Each carriage is connected
As is every single train
The rails all form a track
Which is a link within a chain
The chain's connected to another chain now
You will need no ticket
If you wish to ride on this train

All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini

The song is in your heart
Your heart is in the song
The song is of the earth
The song is of the sky
You are disintegrating
Into everything around

The worm we dug from higher ground
You have let go of ego
Ego is no longer you
Closer to nirvana
Since the porters whistle blew

All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini
All aboard the express kundalini

Music like this is just so cool. It makes me happy; something that I need during this time of my life.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bound for Hell

Listen up all you people that don't choose the one and only true church, this song is for you. This is a song by Love and Rockets called Bound for Hell. Read the lyrics while listening to this great song. Open the link in another tab so you can read the lyrics at the same time.

Well, faith flies off the mountain everyday
No parachute, and no crash to see
Yes, my faith flies off a mountain everyday
And there's no parachute, no goddamn crash to see
Fly the little monkey up a telegraph pole
Sending out a signal to somebody, somebody
Somebody, please somebody

I want to hear a song that makes me believe in something
I want to hear a song that makes me believe something
I want to hear a song that makes me believe
There's something to believe in
I want to hear a song that makes me believe

Had a dream...

I was riding on a train that wasn't bound for glory
Riding on a train, the train was bound for hell
Riding on a train that wasn't bound for glory, that's for sure
Riding on a train that's bound for hell

The engine with human blood was damp
The headlight was her brimstone lamp
And then for fuel I shoveled in bones
and the furnace roared with a thousand groans

The tank was filled with lager beer
The devil himself was engineer
The passengers were a mixed up crew
The churchman in his battered suit

The rich in broadcloth, poor in rags
Handsome girls, wrinkled hags
Black men, yellow, red and white
Chained together, fearful sight

The dream was storming at full pace
The sulfer fumes burned hands and face
Wilder and wilder the country grew
Faster and faster the engine flew

Loud and terrible thunder crashed
Whiter brighter lighing flash
Hotter still the air became
So clothes will burn from each shrinking frame

There came a fearfull ear-splitting yell...
Yell Satan: "dance, the next stop's hell"
Twas then the passengers shrieked with pain
And begged the devil to stop the train
Stop this train

He shrieked and roared, and grinned with glee
And mocked and laughed at their misery
"My friends you've bought your seats on this road,
I've got to get through with a complete load"

You've pulled in the weak, you've cheated the poor
You starving tramp, you turned from the door
You've up gold till your purses bust
You've give a beastly lust

You've mocked at god in your hellful pride
You've killed and you've cheated, and plundered and lied
You've come across men and you've swore and you've stole
Not a one in body and soul
Body and soul

So you've paid full fare and I'll carry you through
If there's one
And here's a time when I ain't no liar
A land that will save you, a land of fire
And your flesh will scorch in the flames that roar
You'll sizzle and burn from

And I awake with a thrilling cry
My were clothes were wet, my hair stood high
And I prayed as I've never until that hour
To be saved from hell and the devil's power

At present my vows were not in vain
That I payed no fare on that hellbound train

Just let this thought settle on your brain, he he.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I will never accept your lifestyle.

"I will never accept your lifestyle." This was a sentence used by my dad in the last visit that we had on Saturday. My wife and I had made a special trip to their house trying to reconcile our relationship and try to make amends. Even after I apologized for talking to them disrespectfully, this is one of the points my dad made sure to emphasize to me.

You see, I am the horrible Apostate Son that no faithful mother and father in the Mormon church ever want to deal with. I am the one that ruins Eternal Families. I now receive statements such as, "We won't have you in the Eternities." or "We've loved you before you were born, loved you when we first saw you, and we will love you for the Eternities." Now that I have chosen a different path than the one and only true Mormon path, I have ruined it for everyone.

I was born and raised in the church. My mom also grew up in the church while my dad is a convert to the church. My dad is not just any 'ole convert, he is The Convert. He had a difficult life growing up in a family with no religious direction. He drank a lot and did not know what to do with himself. He joined the Air Force and discovered the church overseas. He came home and went on a mission and ever since has been 100% dedicated to the church.

I was raised in the environment that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the one and only true church. There is no questioning it, it just is. I was fine with this, I enjoyed going to church and doing the things that made my parents happy. I went on a mission because I felt like I wanted to and it is something that I should do. I married my wife in the Salt Lake Temple and my parents were very proud. We have been married for quite a few years now and living in the church is all that we have ever known until the summer of 2008.

It happened to us just like any other member that has had unanswered questions his or her entire life. We decided to find the answers and now our belief has disintegrated with the new knowledge we have gained.

Telling my parents was not pleasant and still is not pleasant to this day. Right at the end of 2009, they wanted me to come visit to go over some financial info. This meeting ended badly when they decided to start discussing church. It started with primary questions about the Book of Mormon and if I have really prayed with an open heart. The discussion progressively degenerated until I could no longer take the provokings that my dad kept throwing my way. I got upset and raised my voice/yelled at my dad. I did not call him names, but I told him very strongly that he was wrong, then I left.

For about a month and a half, my parents would not talk to me on the phone. We had email conversations, but that is all. This brings us to our last visit on Saturday. I needed to get something reconciled between us so that we could be on speaking terms again. I came and apologized for how I reacted, but I did not apologize for what I said; I felt justified in that.

After I said my peace, my dad decided that he still needed to take additional jabs at me. He told me that he never spoke to his parents like that. This has always been sacred territory for him; children should never address their parents in a disrespectful manner. He then proceeded to tell me how much he loved me. Then the clincher. He said, "I need to make something very clear to you. I will never accept your lifestyle. Never. I am a convert to this church and I will die believing."

My wife and I left shortly afterward and those words will not go away. Even when I am trying to make our relationship better, he still has to throw daggers at me. It will never be good enough. Even if I somehow lost my mind and decided to believe in the church again, he would still hold it against me that I disrespected him.

There is more to this story, but that will have to come later. It is late and I need to go to bed.

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

David Bowie, Changes

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Welcome to my world

I still don't know what I was waiting for. And my time was running wild. A million dead-end streets. Every time I thought I'd got it made. It seemed the taste was not so sweet. So I turned myself to face me. But I've never caught a glimpse. Of how the others must see the faker. I'm much too fast to take that test. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes(Turn and face the strain) Ch-ch-Changes. Don't want to be a richer man. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes(Turn and face the strain) Ch-ch-Changes. Just gonna have to be a different man. Time may change me. But I can't trace time.

David Bowie the Innovator.

This blog is for me. I'll be talking about parents, Mormonism, music, photography, etc. We'll see how this goes.